my story goes back over 20 years ago. I spent all of the time depressed,angry, unable to fit in, with an overal clarity and understanding of how dismal life really is. Enlightened. I finally was designated with PTSD…the VA profided all sorts of false hope and more than enough prescriptions to dull whatever senses I had left. I kept with their regimen..a good soldier with a true wish to be cured. Just to be happy….maybe even joyful. One by one, i lost old freinds, then family. A few hung in there becoming scholars on the issues. studying..proclaiming their understanding…..only to finaly cave in and admit defeat. i was not going to get better….a divorce, then another, and after years of dating..just another thing to let go of….part of the defeat…..
I have spent time in mental hospitals….at times requested…I have spent numerous hours with social workers….I have seen the ads, the movie stars beating their chests saying all a vet wants is a job…..yet I have been unemploed for three years….I have averaged 18 applications a week….I want to work.
so some would say i lost everything…I am homeless. what i have is in my pockets. I still do not have VA benefits…gosh its been over two years and the cliam is still in the phase where they collect info……how much more info they need is beyond me….I have gone to hundreds of counselling outpatient, and spent weeks inpateint….I have been diagnosed with so many menatal issues over and over again by Doctors in two differnt VA Hospitasl…
I read a local politician in ann arbor that citizens should not give money to beggars….they are scam artists….that there is more than enough reflief that one should not have to beg….so I dont…..i go to two food shelters when I can afford the gas….i can get stale bread, up to three loaves, and vegtbiles..but my god what it would be to have some money….minutes have passed just now in reflection and I can not even tell you what I would do with 20$. I dont smoke, i dont drink…
i dont pray, i dont talk, i dont smile, i dont know what day it is..I know what cold is…my presriptions work when I am in the hospital….but I cant afford them elsewhere….so I am not on them.
I am a college grad. I have many management positions after the army. I am a alcoholic, and a father…i am beaten down, memories that will never even make it in a movie….unbelieveable….
i want to kill myself everyday….beyond the plan…not understanding that if there was a god why he hasnt removed me from this pain. ongoing. decades. dont recall what sane is.
so ya. we want a job. we want help. just because we stop coming to your pointless peter pan va meetings deos nt mean we are fixed and you get credit. we are more than 18 percent killing ourselves…..we are zombies of pain…..
veterans day…..the ribbons dont mean much t o us. neither does the adds or the free bfast at dennys. but nevxt time you see a guy on the street…dont spit on us.
i have tried to kill myself over 4 times…..I just laughed…..it belongs in a book on how in the hell i survived. it doent make sense. after the depression, the paranoia, the spitting of the blood from the numerous legions in my throat from years of anxiety vomitting…..i just want to go. kind of like a bug. let the sun dry me out to dust.
In the meantime….there are vets ready to be helped and may have some life left…..dont think the va is doing it….dont just donate a buck for your cool shirt…..just give us a job…a smile…a meal….maybe help us see our kids once again..even from a far,,,
4 comments
First off, thank you for going to war so most of us didn’t have to. Most of us will never truly appreciate the sacrifice that required. Most of us will never understand the things you saw, or the things you had to do. Most of us will never understand the massive physical and psychological toll war takes on a person.
Second, if you own a gun, I’m willing to trade for it. I’ll pay you 50 grand. Maybe that money can help you get back on your feet or find (several) warm places to stay. My email is in my bio. Just click my name. In any case, I hope things get better for you, with or without my deal.
thanks. i tried to email you. I cannot always find a pc or someone willing to let me use theirs. I assume the offer is bs…but thanks. if it is real then you belong on some tv show.
No one can ever truly appreciate a serviceman’s sacrifice in serving his country, but thank you nonetheless.
As a matter of fact, I’m joining the Army later this year. I’ve always known from family who served that military life, especially overseas service, can change a person. But I’m willing to go through that if it means I have a reason to live (a career in the military).
Take pride in knowing that without your service to your country, those civvies who spit on the homeless would be speaking a foreign language and made slaves in their own backyard.
You can take the soldier away from the war, but you can’t take the war away from the soldier. Keep fightin’ the good fight, soldier. I wish you all the best.
It is shocking how many of our Veteran’s are homeless. Many of them are completly unaware of the benefits available to them. You however have roamed about the VA system and have some idea of how it works and what is available to you.
My question is this: Did you experience these type symptoms while on active duty or were you ever treated for any type of mental illness while active duty? If so, yes it is documented in your medical record, it doesn’t matter where you where stationed. If you were diagnosed or treated for any type of mental illness during active duty you qualify for benefits. There are so many variables which come to play when dealing with the VA but if you know what you are doing, it can be done. I know this for a fact because I am one who manuevered my way through all the red tape and I know how it is done.
The first thing you have to do is go to your VSO (Veteran’s Service Officer) at the VA you use. He should have access to all your medical records at that facility and can place a claim for you. NOW, if you have already seen him and you are still receiving a denial of claim notice( i think you mentioned two years now) still hang in there. I waited six years. Yes six years of them saying they could not find my records from active duty and naturally I discarded my copies over 20 years ago. Long story short, I kept doing everything necessary with the VA, counseling, SATP, medications, many stays on the flight deck and hounding my VSO but finally I was awarded my benefits. It was determined after all my crazy with the VA that I was now service connected 100%. It was almost moot all those years until one person suggested one thing to me………….email my Senator. The Obama Administration is doing fabulous things for Veterans. It was only two weeks after I sent my Senator all my information that the approval letter arrived in the mail with six years retro pay. The stipen for 100% service connected is $2,800 monthly. You could live comfortably on that and all your medications are covered, dental is covered, optometry is covered..
Please, don’t give up on the VA. They will step up to the plate if you are persistent enough. At least let them try to help you with your homeless situation while you continue working on your claim. I hope all this makes sense and good luck to you.