it is official i should learn to keep my mouth shut. got into a wee bit of trouble on tuesday. i bought a gun. i had been meaning to do it anyway and on a whim did it. as it was i wa s having a unhealthy mental health day. spent an hour at doc clinic trying to calm down. anyway little did i know that the clinic would be the scene of the crime. i had made an appointment and put myself on the doc’s cancellation list. not thinking it would happen that day i went about my business of buying a gun and then getting groceries. so just as i walk into the grocery store phone rings can i come in at 3? sure why not ? it was a rather testy appointment . i am pissed at him and he is exasperated with me. so these appts are a whopping 20 minutes long. so i get all riled up and then its time to go. so feeling spiteful i told him “for shits and giggles i bought a gun today”. whoops! did i really just say that? WRONG thing to say. i was asked ever so politely if i would wait in the waiting room so hw can talk to me again. being a dumbass i don’t take off. when the cavalry came in i knew it was over for me. i got the honor of being frisked by officer friendly in front of the whole office. that’s great fun! only after everyone knew they were there for me did we at least go into a private room. being interrogated by cops and the shrink is not the most enjoyable way to pass the time. there must have been at least 4 cops there for little ole me. gun rules in my state require a 48 hour waiting period. so while i had bought a gun i did not actually possess it yet. the doc was not aware of these rules and assumed i had it on my person. well ok i don’t have a gun , but we are going to search my car too. my husband collects pocket knives. there are 6 in my car , along with some bullets that didn’t match my gun. now everyone is all excited-i didn’t know there were 6 in there and my husband took my car to go shooting. realizing that i was oh so screwed i took the path of least resistance. go to the hut voluntarily so as to cut down on my time served. expedites the whole process. my stay at the hut was worthwhile. i learned more from the fellow nuts than any staff. but it served to “chill me out” . and restore a sense of sanity. things had been escalating a lot recently . the thing that struck me the most was that both the doc and my therapist called me. i totally did not expect that. the doc apologized for the whole melodrama . which totally blew me away. Wendy was Wendy. calm and comforting. while i feel a lot better a leopard isn’t changing its spots in 3 days. the heavy lifting is just beginning. those thoughts are still there just more of an abstract idea. we shall see. so the moral of this story is that going to the hut isn’t always a bad thing or on the otherside-keep your mouth shut.
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8 comments
Thank you for sharing. All evidence on this site so far points to keeping your mouth shut… but good to know the nut hut isn’t always a bad thing either. Good luck changing those spots, sounds like you’re off to a good start 🙂
i agree with both too… keep posting please!
here is the ultimate in irony. my husband took my gun shooting this morning. it didn’t work! i bought a cheap used one. don’t need anything expensive for a single shot. now i won’t be able to buy a firearm in my state with out going through a lot of hoops. both comforting and annoying at the same time.
Ha!
Well. If you ever do find a way to buy one again, I would suggest a new one, and NOT the cheapest out there. It’s your life (er, death) at stake. A gun that doesn’t work properly, or ammunition that’s old, may not discharge the bullet with its maximum velocity, which gives you a higher likelihood of survival. And who wants to survive with brain damage or half a face?!
the “nut hut” was the beginning of the end for me. I was humiliated and mistreated there, lost all sense of dignity, they reported me to my licensing board so I can no longer do my profession, and many other cascading events that lead me to where I am now. I’ve told everyone under the sun since my release how suicidal I am, because I wanted actual help, and no one really hears.
My take: stay out of the nut house at all costs; most places are not safe psychologically or physically. And don’t say much about being suicidal because then the calvary will come. Just my personal experience to add to the mix.
totally agree with you catchthebus i wanted so much to at least tell my therapist… omg im afraid to even get to that subject now, not because of the nut hut but because i will have lost my freedom, only and ultimate freedom!
i am sorry that hospitalization was so awful for you catchthebus. keep trying . even if it is only a call in crisis line. as for losing freedom-what kind of freedom do you have now with suicidal thoughts weighing you down? if you can’t trust your therapist find another! they are working for you. find someone to share the burden with. as a multiyear consumer of therapy services i kind of know what the score is. if you truly want to die no one can stop you. if you are in limbo give yourself some time to think things through. as for me buying a gun didn’t mean anything was immenient . may was/is the target month. always been bad for me. a reset button has been hit for me. back below terminal velocity. i am sure i will be there again. i seem to have a certain amount of ambivalence toward life. or as the doc says a “death wish” . as for the malfunctioning gun- if one hits the brain stem then it is lights out. inside the mouth not side of head.
cant get hold of a gun here at all… so out of question. then where are the guts to actually do it? i dont think id have any. as it is with juming that is why im skydiving first then itll become much easier wont be the unknown anymore i will know the feeling and will know what to ill expect from falling. yes they could take my freedom if as in other countries (i dont know how it works here), they call the cops or get me in a nut hut. i agree it would be an experience by knowing myself, bbut still not sure what would happen after. its all about after, i dont think i want to find out any after anymore. just want to do it!