Will it Ever Get Better?

I’ve never been able to see the light at the end of a dark tunnel. I’ve never been able to smile through a sunny day. Why? Well, let me explain this horror story known as my life.

It all started when I was fourteen months old. I was crying one night and my mom’s boyfriend shook me until I stopped crying. So now, I have “Shaken Baby Syndrome.” When I turned three, my stepfather began to touch me. He molested me three times before he left my mom and my sister and I. Then I was four, my mother began to abuse me. She would burn me with hot food and hit me. Sometimes she would even pull on my hair just to hear my screams.

When I turned six, she got remarried. But I was still getting abused. My stepfather would ignore me and pay attention to everything else but me. I thought I was a mistake. At the age of ten, I was bullied. In fifth grade. Then, I began to cut. First it was on my stomach. Then my ankles. Then my legs. Then my thighs. And now, my arms. At eleven, I tried to kill myself. Then, my godfather called. To wish me a happy birthday. That’s right. It was my eleventh birthday and I was gonna kill myself. Pathetic, right?

Seventh grade was alright. Just a few rumors here and there. But the abuse began again. Then eighth grade. My mom and stepfather’s divorce was finalizing. My mom beat me. Then, I tried to kill myself. Again. I was just losing circulation as my mother walked into my bathroom. Then I was sent to River Oaks.

Diagnosed with depression. Pills to swallow every morning. Then, ninth grade. I hit my mom, tired of the abuse. I was labeled a schizophrenic. I heard voices and saw people that weren’t there. Normal, right? Not at all.

Back to school. Words flew around of my absence. “Whore.” “Slut.” “Faker.” “Emo.” “*****.” “Fat.”

Then, I stopped eating. I began to cut more often. And I hid the pain. I faked a damn smile all the time. I tried to kill myself again. It was hard. It was really hard.

This year. Tenth grade. The bullying has gotten worse. I came out about being lesbian…and now everyone hates me. People talk about me in class. The teachers don’t do anything. People have seen my cuts. People have seen the scars. Do they care at all? No, they don’t. They just laugh and tell me to cut deeper. They told me to slit my throat. So why don’t I?

But then, last week. I met a girl. She’s a lesbian, too. Her name is Hailey. She’s really sweet. I couldn’t see my life without her. Well…this is where I stop.

It will get better. Kinda cliche, right? But someday…I promise it will. ♥

-Jessica Cronier (aka. Monroe.)