Falling Again

It’s just… It’s impossible to hold on to anything right now. Everything seems like it’s slipping away. I want Garrett to come back. I miss him already. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I literally feel like I’m going crazy. I watch things on ID and think, “Am I going to be one of those people?” I watched part of The Ward earlier, and it scares me. It scares me that I feel like I’m going crazy, and that I might be subjected to that. I can almost feel my mind slipping away. I felt like this before, too. I felt like this when I liked Trevor before. I’m scared. I’ve seen what crazy looks like. Trust me, I don’t want to go there. And I especially don’t want to end up being a freak serial killer later on in life. I mean, I’ve seen my grandma when she went insane. I actually finally got to see her for the first time in months today. She was acting completely normal. It killed me. It killed me to know that things would never be the same again, even though they seem like they will be.  Or maybe I’ve just got another broken heart. I think I’m seriously done for a while. I don’t feel like liking anybody.  I don’t feel like risking everything again. I just feel like lying down and letting them take me out. I really feel like a person being tortured. Instead of fighting, I just want to lie back and let them kill me. How does one ever tell if they’re in love? I know I’m only 13, but… I really liked Garrett. I would definitely say that I loved him, in that I wish that he gets nothing but the best, and I hope that he has a long, happy life. I miss him. I want him to come back, and yet I don’t. He’s kinda mean.  I don’t know. I’m just really tired. I’ve been awake for a long time. I haven’t been able to sleep ’cause I’m sick. Bye for now.