I do this to myself

I come to realize a lot of things. I am what I’ve done to myself. I gonna explain it won’t take that long. I got depressed because I had an drunk father and mother who just watched him destroy his kids but soon after I got depressed he quit but I continued to get worse. I feel like I should of done something to make things better. Things got worse because of what I began to do to myself I started cutting at 12 I pushed all my friends away. I became lonely and hated. All the friends I pushed away thought I hated them what they did not see is the hate I had for myself.  I would come home everyday and go to sleep wake up and hurt myself emotionally and physically. I tear myself down everyday. I started not eating and living in my head. I lost a 20 pounds I was at a healthy weight I should of stopped but I kept going I’m still going I’ve lost 40 pounds and I will never be happy with it. I started using drugs I knew meth was killing the person I had left I blamed my parents I blamed myself. I quit and it took everything I had. I’m left with this and I get to look back everyday what I did to my friends, my family and me. I do this to myself and there is no one else to blame.