So I wrote this post 4 months ago already;
I was seriously trying and hoping to see a positive change, I didnt expect that everything was right again, but at least expected something positive.
Well guess what, there is none. Every day is getting worse and worse. Everyday I am having a crapload of headaches, completely destroying the ability to do something good, something helpful for a day. These headaches, I am sure they keep holding me back, if i didnt have them I am confident in my ability to improve stuff in my life, but guess what, I dont even get the chance.
I never asked for much, never asked for anything really, but now when I just ask for calm in my head, no headaches and actually be able to sleep well, it is just too much to ask.
If stuff goes right I would go into therapy soon, 2 half days and 1 full day, but I am still waiting, waiting for it to start.
I just want to be able to live, to be able to do something, but no matter how hard I try, I never succeed, I am never able to achieve anything, I am never of any improtance whatsoever. There is no point in trying anymore, everything has either been lost or been destroyed.
I could jsut end it all right now, I live 8 stories high, I could just jump down, but I am just too much of a ***** to do it.