I am slowly losing hope that my life has a purpose. The only thing that excites me anymore is being around the girl I’m in love with, however, I have screwed things up with her so badly that she won’t even talk to me. To make things worse, she has a boyfriend and they are perfect together. I am still hoping that someday I will be with her, but that hope is diminishing. There are few things in my life that I have felt so passionate about besides her. When I’m around her, I feel like a whole new person. She motivates me to be the best person I can possibly be. Without her though, I’m a miserable nobody. I’ve lost my best friend of 15 years over arguments about her and now I feel all alone. I don’t see any point in continuing in living if all I feel is horrible every single day. I don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel and to be honest, I don’t plan on ever seeing it. Not only am I feeling miserable about that, but I have to deal with stress at school, pressure from my parents to find a job and be successful, and living up to all of the expectations everyone has for me. I also have my past that I am not proud of to say the least. I’ve been trying to hold on to see if things would get better, but things have only gotten worse. It’s as if time is my mortal enemy; I wish I could reverse it. I am a straight A student, but that means nothing to me because I believe that love is more important than any other measure of success. I’m looking for advice from people that have gone through similar situations. I’m in therapy right now because I can’t control my feelings for this girl, but it hasn’t helped a bit. I’m still madly in love with her and my suicidal thoughts are only getting worse with time. Please help me. Thank you.
2 comments
2 comments
It must be torture seeing her with someone else 🙁
You say she motivates you to be the best person you can be… I was that way too. I feel like a mere shadow of my former self. My therapist tells me no one can make me a better person except ME. How…trite. But, it does make sense. I simply lack the motivation right now.
It’s been 7 months of pain and I’m starting to feel like maybe it doesn’t make sense that my life is over. Maybe I’m not done yet. I hope you can stick it out and…maybe find a way not to be around this girl who tortures you even if you THINK she makes you feel better?
I haven’t talked to her or seen her in a month but nothing has changed. If she is the only thing that makes me feel good about myself and I’m pushing her away, then how will I ever feel better? I think it will only worsen my suicidal thoughts as it has already.