I am cutting harder and hating life more everyday. I really want to talk to somebody but, i told three of my friend and i told them everything but they havent talked to me since. If i told my family that i think im depressed and how i feel they would probably laugh at me and say that im being dramatic. i know for sure that someday i will kill myself because life is slowly killing me little by little every day. My only dream is to be happy. I try to eat as little as possible and i can barely look at myself in the mirror if i dont have makeup on. i have never hated somebody so much in my life. I hate myself more than i hate he people who bullied me. I don know who i am anymore. this is the side of me that nobody sees because im to ashamed, scared, and embarassed.
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My only dream is to be happy
This is a very difficult dream as most people don’t define what this “happy†might be and as a result take no steps toward it. In your own post you describe actions that can only keep you from achieving this dream.
Happiness is illusive because it can only be experience in the movement. When you grasp at it, try to hold onto it, it fades away because a grasping and hold push it outside of the moment, holding onto the past or grasping at some imagined future.
Your friends and family may not be able to help with depression, often because they are your friends and family and invested in your well being (your well being impacts their well being and vice versa so their can be a kind of unintentional conflict of interest. they may mean well but its very difficult situation)
This is why finding a consoler would be your best option. A good consoler sense of self will not be tied up with yours so they can listen, truly listen without judgment and that is often what each of us needs most.
Check to see if there is a free mental health clinic nearby.
dont be ashamed of expressing your true feelings. I understand what it’s like. Once you start cutting, it’s hard to stop. It becomes sort of like an addiction which many of us on this site goes through. we all have some type of addiction. I suggest you open up to your family, if you are a minor they can help you. if you are older, go to therapy, get yourself some help. There is always hope out there. this is exactly how it all started for me, dont let it get worse! get up and do something ! get the help u need! this site will not be the cure! im glad ur here, there are people who help greatly on here, but get into the real world and help yourself!!