How do I start to be someone else and just leave everything behind. I can’t forget memory’s and all the regret I have. It’s to much to just let go. I can’t even if I tried I have nightmares about a lot of my past. I feel like I can’t even be okay just for a second. I wish someone could take the pain away. People seem to think life is just that easy I can just wake up and choose to feel better and forget everything and just change the type of person I am. I don’t get high anymore when I smoke weed. I like feeling dumb. When I’m dumb I can’t think about the things I’m constantly thinking about. But weed is not an option anymore.
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Hi Sam… Yeah, I think there’s an old metal track titled “why do you think they call it dope?” about what you just noted. Clearly you’re smart to contemplate yourself, your feelings and ideas. Yeah, memory can be a mofo… The hard part is differentiating between history and the present moment. I know all about that from Desert Storm. Things that helped me along still are finding good friends, and family you can trust (thise are the ones who dont ridicule your feelings and reactions). Also, if you can get it, professional counseling and medical treatment. Here is an example of the reality: Count the years since Desert Storm started up to now. Yeah, I still feel bad about what happened, but I have developed a better perspective because I looked for help. You should do this, is my suggestion. It is absolutely your purpose to enjoy your whole life. You can do this, Sam. Put down the bud for a moment, and please… stay. Peace, yo.
Thanks for the advise. I putting the bud down if I’m really down weed only puts me at normal I don’t even get high. It’s a waste of money anyways. For friends and family it’s hard to make a good relationship with them because I have trust issues and they don’t understand it’s not a good idea to isolate myself but I feel better this way. Besides when the loneliness creeps up on me. I have a counselor she’s more focused on the future. When I think about the present I get anxiety and when I think about the past I get depressed so there is no winning in my situation. I think about when it all started but I was to young to remember it. I’ve wanted to kill myself since I was 10. I don’t remember much before that. My life has gotten better but it feels like things just keep pushing me down. Thanks for your time. Hope life is going well for you.