Nothing lasts forever. The pain doesn’t last because life doesn’t last. It may be another 40 grueling years before my pain ends, but at least I can rest peacefully knowing it won’t last me an eternity.
It saddens me knowing that life is so fragile, so impermanent. Not my life, of course. That could end at any moment, and I would not fuss. I would welcome it like a monarch welcomes sunlight. But the lives of others. That saddens me.
I know one day my father will pass. The only man I have ever truly trusted and loved. My role model, and superhero; Best friend, shepherd, and psychologist. When he is gone I will cry for days, perhaps weeks; Months, maybe years. To even think about losing someone so important rips me to shreds. I can’t imagine a life without my father.
Then there is my mother. In time, she too, will go. I won’t shed so many tears for her. But she is a parent, and she will be missed.
My boyfriend. His days will end long before mine. His illnesses make it difficult for him to cling onto life as it is. In a couple years’ time, I may not have him to hold anymore.
My pets. They will take their final breaths and I will have to deal with the devastating realization that a true and loyal friend has gone. I have a lot of pets. They make me happy. Give me purpose. But I know they will not live forever.
My price of Darkness, my beautiful Emperor, he is on his last legs. I’d give him a year or two, maximum, before I have to bury him. Six years to this day I have taken care of him, fed him, bathed him, and when his time is up I will feel so lost. So lonely and depressed and… empty.
My Bellies, they too will go. Perhaps a year from now, perhaps 10 years from now. The anticipation is horrid. Waiting for them to die. I don’t want them to die. I look for them every day to make sure they are still breathing. It still scares me stiff when I can’t find one of them, because the absolute worst thoughts run through my mind.
My beautiful cat, whom I lost almost two years ago; to this day I still shed tears for her. She was one of my best friends when my “real” friends weren’t around.
Death is so  intricate. When it comes to my own being I welcome death. I beg for it. I yearn for it. But when it comes to the people I love, I ward off death. Fight death. I protect my loved ones from death.
I suppose when I’m gone, who will ward away death from my loved ones then? I have to stay alive so I can protect them until their end is inevitable, and then I will be there to say my final goodbye, and I will take care of the burial, and I will ensure that they are in peace.
So I must continue to live until death claims me in due time. If I don’t fight for the ones I love, who will?
4 comments
Yeah but that’s not going to happen any time soon. Take each day at a time and worry about that when the time comes.
It is the worst feeling in the world to outlive the ones you love, the ones you swear to protect. This may sound weird but I think the worst is the loss of a pet. Because you know they can’t protect themselves, and when they’re gone nobody will understand the pain but you. I’ve gone through it too many times. I hate to sound like a stupid greeting card, but make every day count with the ones you love. Don’t let the fear of their passing poison the time that they’re with you. Thank you for protecting others.
Until it happens, I suggest you don’t ponder too much on the life and death of loved ones. Trust me on this, you don’t want to sit and anticipate it, even if it’s expected. That doesn’t help anyone, least of all you. You sound like an intelligent, young person. Don’t grow too old before your time with worry. Just enjoy the loved ones you have now, there’s plenty of time in the future to worry and fret. <3
Thank you all for your lovely responses 🙂