I’m scared of life. I think about the countless number of days ahead of me and I feel trapped. Trapped living. Trapped in my mind. I feel insane. I’m dying to get out. Dying to be free. I wish it it was all over. I wish I had the choice to end it all. Why don’t I have the choice? It’s my life. I’m the one who has to live it. I don’t want to live just because everyone else thinks that I’m sick. YEAH I am sick. But I’ve been sick and it’s not getting better. Why the fuck can’t I just die. This isn’t just a phase I’ve been like this for years. I could probably get better, but I know that I’m going to fall back down and end up in the same place or worse. I could have a good life, but I don’t want it. I don’t want to try. I’m tired. I’m tired of trying to be happy. I just can’t achieve it. Depression has changed me. It’s changed the way I think. The way I feel. The way I look. I’m jealous of the dead. I’m jealous of happy people. I feel pathetic because I have no one and nothing to blame. I only have MYSELF to blame. I blame my mind, my brain, or the chemicals in my brain. I’m so frustrated. I’m so done. I don’t want to do this anymore. I just don’t think I can take it. But obviously I have to, because I HAVE NO CHOICE. I HAVE NO CONTROL. I DON’T HAVE ANYTHING. I just want one thing. One thing that I’m passionate for. One thing that makes me happy. One that that I can hold on to. One thing to live for. Just one thing. I just hate life. I hate who I’ve become. I hate these feelings. I hate feeling hopeless. I hate feeling scared. I wish it all could just end.
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
3 comments
I feel you. I am exactly the same right now. I have nothing and no one to live for. I’m failing at everything. The only thing I have is the hope that one day it will all be over, and no doubt by my own hand. I barely know what sleep is and when I do get some I cant wake up. Getting out of bed is painful. I try my hardest not to leave the house because I have no idea what I might see, who I might see, what might happen etc. I’m scared to live because no matter what my mind will always bring out the worst of every situation.
You’re not alone. As for finding something you are passionate about, to live for, do you ever go to gigs? Buying tickets to gigs that are months away is basically why I’m still here. I hope you can find something that keeps you here too x
thank you for summing how i feel. everything in life is a choice including life itself. so why doesnt it feel that way? why are we trapped in this torturous abyss of life, surrounded by death, and feeling envious of those who have escaped? i dont know but i think death is the only way to find out, regardless how long it takes.
I feel that too. Every single day of my life.