I dont want to die but i dont want to be sad all the time anymore. I want to be happy. I dont want to keep disappointing my family. I want to be able to look at the mirror without crying. I want to live without having to cut. I want to make my dad proud instead of making him wish i was my older sister. I want to take a shower cause i love it and not just cause i have to cry with no one hearing me. I dont want to be ashamed and embarrassed of everything i do and everything i am. I want to be the girl who could take the bullying and just keep it down inside and not care. I want to be somebody else.Im sick of me. I want to be that girl that people respect and like. I dont want to be the shy *****. I want to not be angry and sad all the time. I dont want to turn my sadness into anger because i dont want anyone seeing me sad. What the hell is so wrong with me that i cant even sleep without dreaming of killing myself??? Im sick of people saying get over it or it was in the past just forget about it, well its soo god damn hard to let go of things that are killing you inside and to just ignore it is even harder!!
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I know. People tell me the same. How can I just let it go and move on when it changed me so much.
Maybe you cant get over it, but maybe you can get around it, move in a different direction. I am having a hard time now with that too. I get crazy ideas like going somewhere far away , somewhere really different and maybe it will make me wake up or find a new way of thinking.
But I do know what you mean. And you sound like a nice person who feels things deeply. It can hurt a lot being that way. Can you do anything that gets you away from that environment? Even for a little bit?
I have this thing wrong with me where if i sweat i get a itchy rash and so i cant do much.
butterfly D:
Some of us don’t have the privilege to just “get over it”. Wonder if the people who have it so easy that they’re able to give this brilliant advice realize how utterly unhelpful and destructive it is.
^ I agree with Fancy.
The only advice I can give you (if you want it, I don’t want to make it worst) is to stop trying to please other people, sometimes you just can’t please them. Most people are selfish, don’t get your dreams crushed by them. At the very least you’re here with people who truly understand you, I often too dream of killing myself. Just try to better your self and stay away from selfish people. Wanting to be, is not accomplishing it, do it! Better yourself in every way you can. Start, by not cursing at yourself (I know it’s hard) but really, every human is full of potential and undermining your self like that, just makes me mad! I think shy people are the most interesting type of people, they’re like an unexplored mine. Just try to be happy with whatever you can find. I’m willing to listen, if you want to further talk about this.