Everything I do my sister has to do ten times better. I know this is me massively comparing myself to her but it’s really getting to me and I can’t take it anymore. The anger has to go somewhere before I throw my fist into a wall.
When I was in year ten I was diagnosed with depression, no one even blinked in my household. No one even gave a single crap. Two years later, my sister is diagnosed with depression along with an eating disorder and all of a sudden my whole household is letting everyone in the world know how tough life is for her. Don’t worry about me, guys. I’ll be fine.
I’ve been self harming since year eight. But who cares about that, right? I mean, it’s not like I had any real reason to do so. My sister starts self harming and all of a sudden she’s not allowed to be left home alone, and she’s not allowed to have her door shut and keep her away from the razors, but don’t worry, you’re allowed to keep yours.
For over a year I’ve had major trouble sleeping, often falling to sleep between two and three am, and waking up at seven to go to school. NOW, since I’ve been complaining about it, she all of a sudden has been having the same problems.
For my entire life I have despised school, in fact, it’s been thought that it’s the cause of a lot of my problems. I’ve started to voice this hatred a lot. Guess who also hates school with a fiery passion now? My sister.
I just feel like I have nothing for my own. I know these are all really stupid things, but since she always seems to have it worse, no one’s concerned about me. Actually, the other day I was having a conversation with my mum and she was saying how she doesn’t care what I have to sacrifice to let my sister hang around me at school (we’re in the same year level now) as long as she didn’t discover my sister dead in the morning because she had killed herself due to hating school so much without friends. You know what? Thank you mum. I now hate school ten times more because I don’t have my own friends, I have to share everything with my sister and according to you, you wouldn’t give a flying crap if you found me dead in the morning, as long as my sister’s okay.
Please don’t give me any rude comments, I needed to get this out and it’s really late at night and I am aware this is really mean.
3 comments
It’s not mean. If she’s honestly acting that way, tell her to go fuck herself and gain her own identity. I apologise if that’s a tad too harsh but she sounds like a complete knob. Your mom does too, she shouldn’t be prioritising one of her children because she does things better.
I think your situation is horrible, but I don’t think you should harm yourself for your sister. Because in a way – you are doing it for her.
Hope you get better. 🙂
Thank you, I was honestly expecting mean messages when I wrote this, but yours was reassuring because it’s letting me know I’m not the only one who sees it!
Thank you!
kc:
Regardless of whether others pity her or not, you hurt. Doesit serve a purpose to wonder if others realize you hurt more than she does?
kc: if you promise yourself to excel now, then figure out the pain later, you will have a foothold in a world that judges people but has no affect on you other than how you judge yourself. Now is the time to encourage, not discount, yourself.
dw