give up?

I feel like giving up. Every day I put on a false face and mask the real me just so people dont get to close. Im tired of being alone, im tried of being scared. But Im tired of getting hurt. Since I was little its been days and days of hurting. The names I get called. the names are the worst. and then they hit me and i laugh it off. everyone thinks im so happy. but my hearts a ticking bomb. im going to explode. and each night before i go to sleep. i cut just enough to feel the sting and see the blood. but im afraid that ill go to far. I feel like giving up.