I’m so confused

in terms of eating disorders, the only way i got past mine was thru weight gain. i’m 5’4″ and male, and if i get down to 115-120, i start to obsess over calories, start to binge/purge, etc. 130 lbs seems to be the safe point. the disgust with my body remains, but the worst part of the disorder–the pointless, draining obsession with food, calories, binge/purge, etc.–goes away. Just know that studies have confirmed repeatedly that when you go below a certain daily calorie threshold, an obsessive thought-pattern kicks in. they’ve tested this with non-ED males, college age, and when kept around 1200 calories/day, they began indulging in all the classic pathological ED behaviors. It’s basically a numbers game, at least for the worst/most obsessive part.

i don’t know how to correct the overall body dysmorphia, however, i feel like that’s permanent. but i would encourage against extreme calorie limitations, as it leads to the absolute worst part of ED for me, which is the totally stupid obsession with food, which just completely drains you of the ability to think or do anything else.