Recovery; it seems like it might be set in motion in just a few days. Either that, or I’m taking one gigantic leap back.
My parents are taking me to see a psychiatrist in just under a week. We’re going about my OCD. And although I’m happy to have help with that, I’m afraid the psychiatrist will see right through that first problem. He’s supposed to be the best around, so does that mean he’ll notice signs of other problems?
I want help for my OCD, and my OCD alone. I will not speak of my depression with my parents there. I will not speak of the self harm I once caused. I will not speak of my suicidal past. I will not speak of my confused sexuality. I will speak only of my OCD, and hope him helping me fix that will help me to fix everything else on my own.
This I promise myself; because its hard enough for my parents to see a simple case of OCD tearing their little “gifted” girl apart with knowing just how broken she really is.
1 comment
How old are you? I think I understand what you mean. I was supposed to be flawless. I’ve always been smart and I’ve always gotten great grades. I don’t get in trouble, I have lots of friends, and teachers love me. My parents care a lot about how others perceive our family. No matter how screwed up we are, we have to pull it off like we have it all together. That’s why when the school counselor called and told my parents I had an eating disorder they scrambled to cover it. They had known for months, it was painfully obvious, but they wanted me to pretend I was fine. They wanted to send me to my room and have me return all better. Mental disorders aren’t like that though. I have OCD personality disorder, an anxiety disorder, and an eating disorder (I’m recovering) but my parents don’t know most of that. They wouldn’t be able to handle it. My school counselor understands how unsupportive they are and has stepped up and been there for me. I pretend like I’m fine, but I’m not always. Not usually. I would feel guilty telling them though, I know it would hurt them. I suffer to save them the pain and I wouldn’t change that. It’s hard not having my parent’s support, but I’ve learned I have to make choices for myself. I’m recovering because I deserve that. You deserve to find support in this too.