I was ready to do it, I was days away when I decided I just HAD to talk with her one last time so I put feelers out and she emailed me. We had a restrained interaction for about a week, I spilled my guts to her, she withdrew, I apologized and said I would leave her alone and then she came on like a huricane. We were in love again, she was going to leave her abusive drunk asshole husbond and we would be together agin and everything would be so fantastic and all the pain would be worth it because, in the end, we would end up together.
It was a wonderful fanatsy that she is now obviously getting board of. About a month into it, pretty standard for her. back in the old days we’d at least get together and fuck a few times, now it’s all in the no muss/no fuss sterile enviornment of the interwebs. She’s showing all the old signs, using all the old excuses, I’m just waiting on the hammer to drop which, of course, she will try to manipulate me into doing for her. I had hope there. It’s like a knife in my fucking chest now. I want to die now more than ever but now of course I have to wait a while so she doesn’t decide it was all about her. She’d love that. She would cry and cry and talk about how we were going to get back together but alas… I know this dance, I created it with her. I am suck a worthless, stupid, fucking piece of shit. I really am.