Why?

I dunno. Life man. I’m so burnt out on this shit. In the past I made a lot of mistakes and now they are finally catching up with me. I have never been happy, but I try. When I was younger I was the fat kid and everybody picked on me. So I had no friends. Then I went to college, did a bunch of drugs, and ended up in a psyche ward. I got my shit together after that and went back to the university. Then I met a girl. Well, I loved her, she loved me, and it all turned to shit. She found somebody better. So then I was alone, and I went back to drugs and drinking heavily, which lead to heroin. Well, I quit all that now. But I’m so empty. So vacant and low. I don’t like what I am studying and I don’t understand society at all. I have no friends and I can’t communicate with people easily. I see a shrink, but you know, docs just toss meds at you and tell you how you’re supposed to be. I’m tired of it all. All I want to do is play my guitar and read books. But no, I’m going to school and learning shit I don’t care about. It kills my soul. I can’t make friends. I haven’t had a girlfriend for several years and shit I mineswell be a monk I haven’t been laid for a year. I guess that isn’t important anyways. I’m just so fucking depressed man. Nothing seems to make me happy but playing guitar and going to class steals all of that time from me. The only happiness I get out of the day gets snuffed out because I have to sit through a bunch of classes that I don’t give a damn about and then go back to my apartment and study a bunch of shit I don’t care about. I dunno. Hopeless man. People avoid me. I avoid people. I don’t think I belong on this planet. Or anywhere. I’m not good at shit man. Not a damn thing.