On Sunday I moved into my first apartment so I can be closer to my college. The apartments are set up like dorms so I got a roommate and its actually working out great. We’re very alike. I’d say we’ll get along just fine. And then I can’t help but think there is something else that will have to go wrong in my life for this to work out because my life is never just fine all the time. I’m hoping it can be something small.
I made brownies for us yesterday. Nutella brownies to be exact. And when I was pulling them from the oven […]
Another small sleep night. Woke up, still dark, stare at computer, somehow forget everything. Yeah, right… I can’t even dream a little.
I also hate cloudy wheather, I feel heavier.
I think I’m going slightly mad…
I remember stuff from the past, Like at 17-19 when I was with too much tension I would just go for very long walks walking extremely fast.
One day I was just walking back and forth in my room at parent’s and I couldn’t take it. It’s all pain, it’s all pain. So sneaked out when they were asleep and roamed the dark streets.
Sometimes I walked miles to a club when a certain […]
you look at my life, seems calm and cozy. i have a well balcenced life with exersise and friends. got ski racing and cadets. From a birds eye view it looks as if Â i have the near perfect life not just from other people but i think so to but im just so sad. my life is overrun in my mind i gotta think what to do next for cadets so the head officer wont give me shit. But he does any way no matter how hard i try. he tell me to do a list of things i need for next week. usaully saying […]
I thought I would be okay, but in three day’s time, I had another accident.
A few days ago, I slit my wrist up. Never deep enough to kill, but just enough sting to get the point across. I padded it up and wrapped an ace bandage around it, claiming I just sprained it. No one at work questioned it, my boyfriend didn’t say anything outright about it. It’s hard to keep things from him though. So I told him. He grabbed my wrist and took a glance. He said my name, which sounded so… Off. It doesn’t feel right when he says it. It […]
For the last 6 months I’ve been suicidalâ€¦
If I ever commit suicide there are a couple of things I want to accomplish firstâ€¦
1 become a professional artist (right now I draw in an anime/manga style really good
2 fall in love (once) maybe twice if Iâ€™m luckyâ€¦
3 go to Japan (maybe Tokyo or Kyoto, or Osaka or HokkaidÅ)
4 Become Atheist or Christian (currently Iâ€™m an agnostic theist and kind of Buddhist)
5 earn some money
6 buy a motorcycle or a nice car
8 maybe rent an apartment (a really nice one)
9 become healthy (have a healthy heart, have a healthy mind)
10 â€˜attemptâ€™ to kill myself first and see […]
Lately it seems like everything is falling apart. I used to be so into church. God was everything to me. I finally got married to the woman of my dreams. I had a crush on her since i was just a boy. Everything seemed to be going great. We were married on July 28th 2012. Almost a year now. I had a great job, was a member of a wonderful church, and things seemed like they couldn’t get any better. Then i lost my job last December just before Christmas! Everything started to go down hill from there. Things seemed like they were going to […]
Suicide to me 4 months ago seemed like only something I would hear in long hours of health class or something that would never affect me. Living in a small town of about 7,000 people you would only hear things along the line of sporting events or town meetings. Never anything about death. Until March 13th, 2012, I was sitting in the recliner debating whether or not i should go to church that night. I decided not to because I wanted to relax for the night. My step dad and I were watching TV when all of sudden we look outside to see 2 cars […]
They say that when jump off a building, before you touch the ground, your whole life flashes before you. Sometimes I want to try and do it. So that I may know if what they say is true. And if it’s true, I wanna know if the life I have been living is a good one.
I am facing a lot of problems lately. I am already at my 8th year in college and still have not graduated. I already have a son but I am not in good terms with his mother. I have a lot of debt; I just been kicked out of my […]
I used to be so happy especially at school I don’t really get bullied and this year im in year 6 and I really found my true friends I was happiest at school and going to school. I’ve liked loads of guys nothing big just like fake crushes but then I really like this guy called Christian and then there was this little rumour that he like this girl in his class coz he is a year younger but the classes are really close and from what he’s said he doesn’t. but still doesn’t stop my heart from hurting and at home for the last […]
I dunno. Life man. I’m so burnt out on this shit. In the past I made a lot of mistakes and now they are finally catching up with me. I have never been happy, but I try. When I was younger I was the fat kid and everybody picked on me. So I had no friends. Then I went to college, did a bunch of drugs, and ended up in a psyche ward. I got my shit together after that and went back to the university. Then I met a girl. Well, I loved her, […]
This post might not make sence unless you’ve read my previous one..
I think i’m glad I didn’t look inside when his best friend was outside the apartment crying. The neighbor did… But something in my head said “don’t look in there, you don’t need to see. You know what happened, don’t be stupid and make the pain worse..”…. I kinds wish I looked…. Just to see how he died rather than just imagining and repeating the horror story his friend told me…… When we were standing outside as the investigatirs were taking the pictures and such, Roberts friend that witnessed his death broke the […]
So… I been depressed for as long as I can rember. I tried sudicid once and been thinking about it daily four four years now. I am sick of it , this year I have been trying really hard to destory my will to died, will my want to die grows stronger…..but ^^ I think I found something that won’t be deeply affected by my depression…….the awnser is …… manga…. Anime…..cosplay….and coustums…(even thougth I am black and can’t turly cosplay)……but mostly Mangas and anime…… I want to live to work really hard to have a great collection….. I hope to get an apartment where I […]
I’m not really sure how this is done so I suppose I’ll just go ahead and start off. (I apologize if it’s hard to follow.)
Uhm, well, I was actually raised relatively well, all things considered. Both parents were present, working, and in healthy condition. I was also the only child within the household.
Life was prettyÂ privileged, normal, but rather quiet, as everyone mainly kept to themselves in the household. There weren’t any major conflicts or fights, and alot of my time, along with my father, was spent on the Computer, whether it ranged from activities such as educational programs or games or whatever I used […]
I really think I am a loser.
I’m almost 25, living in a tiny room in my parents’ place. I know they think I’m a drag and a burden. I should have worked harder in college and not gotten kicked out. I just didn’t give a damn about my classes and I should’ve just argued it out and changed majors, but I didn’t and I flunked a third time. Three strikes right?
Working part-time at a pretty thankless job, but they’re all thankless. The only full-time employees are managers, of which there are 5 as oppossed to 7 employees. That seems pretty out of whack to me.
I’ve worked to support myself for over thirty years. I’ve always taken care of myself without complaint and without asking for handouts. Now, because I’m older, no one will hire me.
I have so much experience and I am very good at what I do. No one cares. All they see is an old, overweight woman. I speak with agencies and potential employers on the phone and they are so excited to meet me but when I go in for an interview they say there is nothing for me at the moment. The moment has lasted two years now.
I will lose my apartment in a month […]
I wont even know how to describe it. All those ways how I was acting made me feel extremely embarassed about myself. I thought I was missing out on a lot, and I tried to catch up. But instead I was making a fool out of myself. After we stopped talking, I tried to fit in, but it would only lead me to feeling more embarassed. I never cared about the future, but now I pretty much began disregarding the flow of time. It became scary for me to leave the house. I was getting progressively depressed and anxious. I tried therapy, but I never […]
I am 56 years old. I have no money, no property, no assets, no pension, no income and, frankly, no marketable skills. I have large unpaid tabs at several local hostelries and debts to most of my friends here which I have secured on the (false) assurance that money is on the way from my (long closed) UK accounts. Help and understanding (of any sort) have long since dried up. I am largely looked upon as the liability which I am.
I have been staying at a cheap hotel locally since I was evicted from my apartment three weeks ago for non-payment of rent. I […]
So I have been fighting the urge to kill myself off and on for about 15 years now. Sometimes I lost and attempted suicide. So far I have tried twice, once when I was uncertain so it was a far cry from a real attempt, and once when I would have died had my neighbour not have found me. Problem is, I really do want to die but I don’t want to kill myself. I keep praying not to wake up and find myself full of rage when I wake up in the morning. I am so angry and depressed. I feel stuck, literally, we […]