Maby its time to tell why I am here. My brother killed himself a week ago. He didnt leave a note he didnt tell me, that anything is so very wrong. I knew that he is depressed, because he was in his room all day doing nothing. Hes moode changed super fast … But last couple of months he seemed much better, like he finnaly made peace with the world. I get it now… I read a few pages he wrote. He thought nobody loved him – I LOVED HIM!!! I still do… He decided to kill himself till july and didnt want anyone to remember him the way he was. He thought he will reincarnate in to someone better. I dont understand…. Better how? To me he was the best. Im totally lost…. We didnt live together anymore. I moved out of our parents house when I was 18. I couldnt take it anymore and I understand he wasnt happy there.. He was 17. Just 1 more year and he could move out too and get away.. I dont know… I was selfish – I was to afraid for me that I just couldnt go back there…. I honestly thought he will be OK. I knew its hard but I really didnt knowt it was so hard for him. I guess he thought I abandoned him. In a way I did and I am so sorry for that. WHY didnt he say something??? I would help him, together we would make it till he would turn 18 and than he would be free. But he never said ti was that bad. I cant let him go. I cant understand that he is dead. He abandoned me now, like I abandoned him before. But I didnt really abandoned him, I just went away couse I really couldnt stay there anymore. I am so so sorry I did that. I should have staid and maby he would be here with me now. I was just a phone call away, but I guess that was just to far… I hate myself for letting my baby brother die.
Sorry for broken english
5 comments
I’m sorry, that must be terribly terribly painful.
It is. I am driffting in a dark place more and more every day…
depression, especially if it’s severe (like mine) makes the person’s self esteem very low and they usually feel that they aren’t good enough for life or that there’s no point in living if all they see is no hope and no way out of their feelings or thoughts. there could be a chance that he heard voices in his head encouraging him to die.
for me; i’ve lost pleasure, hope, value, love and basically my life altogether from my illness. so i personally see no point in staying here.
your brother may also have felt really lonely on top of the things i listed above (hearing voices, seeing no other way out, etc)
otherwise, i’m sorry for your loss. hopefully my family doesn’t have to feel too hurt over my death, as they should see it would have gotten to that point sooner or later, it’s best for them and me.
Thank you. You have been very helpful.
Hey man you cannot blame yourself like this, the guilt will eat you up trust me. I have tried saving people before and failed miserably. The truth is suicide is a very personal choice an once someone has made there mind up it’s nearly impossible to talk them out of it.
Sorry for your loss