Hi mark. South africa is a beautiful place to live in. You really do not want to start talking about some other african countries. I am presently schooling in Nigeria. Well! Thats not the point. The point is that. 1.You are not ready to die
,2. You seem to have lost faith in yourself and God.
3. You seem to have no tangible past to hold on to.
4.maybe you or your family have set an unachievable goal for you. Or you are measuring your successes with that of others.
5. You believe that someone somewhere could either talk you out of your problems by sympathising with you or relating to you pains.
truth is that i hardly know you, mark and i do not believe that what i would say could make any changes to your life. I do not believe there is anything special about you. i believe you are special sometimes we set so many obsolete goals for ourselves and when we dont achieve them we feel sad and worthless. You cant keep saying there is no God and expect one to miraculously appear to save you. The funny thing about being depressed is that it blinds your mind and thought to any possible solution. Only God knows why i came into SP today because unlike before i just came in to post an encouraging word for all. If you really wanna believe in God’s mercy and power then go through all my posts up to the last one.and see how less frequently i visited this place when i met christ. The world would end soon, so please try to live your life with a God in charge. Get yourself a bible and stop looking at your problems.look beyond it and picture christ sitting on the cross. Cus ur problems would never disapear till you stop seeing them.. Or do you want to commit suicide and end up in hell. Why dont you give christ a chance he could help you start again. Just cry and confess ur sins and pains to him. In any language. He would help you start again.