Depressed

During my teens I was pretty sure everyone hated me especially my father. Many years later, in hindsight I realise that it wasn’t a matter of hate but a failure of communication. Sounds trite but that’s what it was.

You would think that at a certain age we would learn how to communicate our feelings and needs in a constructive way that allows everyone to be heard and respected. I expected maybe even demanded that my parents could do so… But now that I am an adult I know that that is not true, not true at all.

My parents were just as confused as I was, and not able to understand my experience let alone theirs and I think it scared them.

But none of that helps you now…. I wish I had some magic words that would take your hurt away. To say that things can change, will change provides no comfort now…

Something I would like you to keep in mind as you go though these trials.

Science has clearly shown that the observer changes what is observed. Observed one why light behaves as a particle another and it behaves as a wave.

How we measure something, the place from which we judge it, changes what is being measured, even creates it in some ways. During the time I felt everyone hated me I was measuring from a place social angst, the confusion of puberty and depression… not surprisingly I saw everything through the jumble of emotion and uncertainty.

What am I saying…. this may not help you now but I can tell you that how you measure and judge things will change overtime, memories change and does how we experience them. How you feel today does not have to be how you feel tomorrow.

The change in how we view things over time will just happen, and we can continue to react to life’s circumstances or you can influence how you measure and judge things by becoming more conscious of the truth behind your feeling and thoughts and in doing so respond to life. Responding to life circumstance gives you a much higher probably of achieving your hopes and goals then reacting does.