i want to move on already.. from all these feelings. But, how can I? All people do is hurt me, just for their own good. What good do you get out of this though? All you’re going to be left with is guilt… Guilt from being the person that made someone want to die and leave behind all their dreams just for something stupid that you said.. You have no idea how badly this hurts… Having to say goodbye to everyone.. one by one.. Its like self harming myself.. one by one.. but it all happens so quickly. Everything is going wrong, at this point in life I was supposed to be happy and enjoying life..
But, im hopeless.
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“But, I’m hopeless I was supposed to be happy and enjoying life.â€
We all have a tendency to experience the past, present and future in the same moment of awareness.
In the same present moment we are disappointed by a past which cannot be changed and a future that is not yet.
And disappointed hope that it might be otherwise…
Hope meant to inspire and make us ready for possibilities instead creating our very sorrow!
You see it is not that you are hopeless but that still hope, but do so unskillfully.
Hope can be a curse that traps you. Strange to say perhaps buy you might find it easy to enjoy life if you let go of hope and hope-less.
Setting a time line of when you’re supposed to be this or that, can also be unskillful especially when the elusive thing we are planning to obtain is this thing we call happiness.
I wonder if it’s possible that happiness is not a “something” to grasp or aim for at all, but a “something” that only exists in the moment as an expression and quality of that moment, inherent in that moment in and of itself…. a something to be experienced and can only be experienced when it is not grasped or owned…
Your post reminded me of a book I read – “Born Weird†by Andrew Kaufman – a easy fun read about how blessings, such as hope, forgiveness, safety, strength and certainly can also be curses.
I hope you feel better soon 🙁
i understand the feeling of wanting to disappear. first of all Screw every one THAT IS BAD IN YOUR LIFE ! . Be patient with your self and distract you mind into some thing any thing looking at every thing u can discover that would keep you interested and keep digging until you seek what your seeking you self try self obedience focusing your mind to extreme limits and see where you go look for nature go out there and leave every one behind on a journey we as humanity all owe that to our self’s to reach out and do something in awe be one with nature peace out and shit eat more live things bring a lot of beautiful colors into your life and see what happen’s it cant hurt to try eh u know what try ayahuasca tea try that at least once in your life before changing your destination route trust me you ve never known anything like this vine before seriously