I go day by day trying to act like everything is wonderful. I am forced by others to maintain a smile on my face because if at any point I am unhappy, a whirlwind of shit talking begins. I get crap from everyone around me, so there’s no way that I can try to talk to anyone and try to get better. But I’m not allowed to ever feel upset? If I had a gun, I would already be dead, no doubt in my mind. I am tired of living and I am tired of people telling me that things will get better when they clearly are not going to. I am sick of people telling me that I am a coward for wanting this. I don’t care anymore. I truly don’t. Has anyone ever actually seen things get better? Because I feel like I’m waiting for rain in a drought right now….