I miss you.
I miss you like hell.
Why did you have to change.
We fit so well together.
We were soulmates.
But you had to change.
I probably sound crazy but I’m so emotionally broken deep down in my heart I don’t know what to do.
Self harm is so relieving.
It’s how I tolerate the pain.
I thought this kind of stuff would never happen to me.
I can’t reach out for help. It seems unnecessary. I don’t want to disturb everyones little happy bubble. So I need to hide it. Hide all of my emotions so no one can see how broken I am. No one needs to know no one cares. I don’t want to look weak. I’m not an emo.
I care too much I hurt too much I lose faith, regain, lose it and it all goes in a lovely cycle.
I can’t stay low for too long. I go on a rollercoaster ride. It’s quite fun. But it’s all hidden. I don’t show it to people. I cry when I’m alone. I go suicidal when I’m alone. I need to be alone.
Hotlines are stupid. Family doesn’t seem like a good idea and counselling is stupid. Therapy is stupid. It’s all stupid.
I’m planning to suicide very soon. On the very day we decided to become official. The beginning of our sweet love. True love. I’ll never forget you. Everyone will be so surprised. Haha. It’ll be a lovely surprise.
It’s unnecessary to be a burden to others. I’ll put on a fake smile everyday. I’ve been like this for a long long time now. It’s okay I can go on as long as I can. Until the day I am at peace. Until the day I don’t exist anymore. I hope you’re happy by then.
Call me selfish. I don’t know what to do. I just want the pain to go away. I can’t cope with it because I know you will never come back. Once a person changes they never come back.
We used to share everything together. We used to share every moment. Talk about everything going in our lives and everything about the world, everything. Why.
Why did you have to leave me alone why.
Why.
I have so many questions and you never answered them.
I hope when I die you realise how much I was in pain. You will notice me then. I hope you live well and happy without me. I hope you find someone better.. I hope.. you have the time of your life.. I mean nothing to you.. I’m nothing.
But to me you’re the whole world. You were the reason I was living. You lifted me up everyday. But now that’s all gone, all that’s left is nothing. Its so dark and cold here.
I’ll miss you.
4 comments
“Decided to become official?” I’m confused, did your fiancee go home to the Lord? Thanks for sharing a part of your story ily7654 and welcome aboard.
Official as in starting a relationship. Didn’t really make that clear did I. We were 18 now 19. It’s so funny how someone can be so normal and someones left to die with pain. I have a feeling he just grew up. WHy do we have to grow up this world is just fucking nonsense.
Well I’m 41 in my experience people usually go from (teens) having almost no control over their own lives, to (20’s) having some control, to 30’s where they have moderate control. Even at peak control, I’d guess that half of life still comes as a surprise.
This is why a lot of times older folks will tell young folks not to get too serious about their romances. Because there’s a lot of finishing up, packing up and getting started somewhere new. High school, military enlistment, college, a job in the city.. It’s hard enough to have a good love in the best of times. But it’s pretty much impossible when we’re in our teens or 20s ’cause we’re getting tossed around.
For what it’s worth I think you’re right. Life is a piece of shit from what i can tell. I’m still confused, but I hope that it helped to write down your troubles.
This is my first time seeing this site. I read an original note about good people who commit suicide. And even as a Christina, I actually agree. Although I really hate the fact that so many of us are hurting so bad that it seems like a good way out. In the article it mentioned either your Savior calling you or the devil calling you. Think about it, if our world is as bad as we ALL know it is, why would God call the good out of it? That would leave the pedophiles and murders as the article said here to rule. If good is absent, what good will come of this world? If you took evil out of this world, what would a day be like? Going to the park, work, the mall, driving on the freeway? NO fear of carjacking, murder or kidnapping? The good people in this world are what make this world good. WE have to find what our role is and walk in it. I know life is hard and it is scary to even imagine raising kids now, but who will be here to help with the ones that do come. I have to say, I would vote that the devil is the one calling good people to not be here to make this world better. Even with the pain and anger, you are actually a good one. Please reconsider…We actually need you.