Have you ever made a promise you knew you wouldn’t be able to keep ?
Well, I have. A few years ago, I was in a really bad place. As I had ended up in a hospital bed once again, my best friend came to see me. She was crying, and she bugged me until I promised her to take care of myself. To stay alive.
The thing is, it was four years ago, but I’m not any happier than I was back then. I’m in the exact same place, but this time, I can’t let go, I can’t do anything to make the pain stop. Because of that promise. You see, I never break my promises, it’s the only thing I’m proud of. It’s the only good thing I can say about myself.
But I’m so unhappy. I don’t feel anything anymore. I don’t care about anything or anyone anymore, not even myself. I don’t feel any physical pain, because I’m already hurting all the time. And I don’t know what to do. I really don’t.
I’m telling you this because I want you to be careful not to make promises you know you can’t keep. Because mine is killing me slowly.
I just want it to stop.
1 comment
Seems like that was a promise you never intended to make, and only did so because someone insisted. I don’t think that counts… at least, not as much as it would, had it been your own promise, made without external pressure.
But i totally agree. Never make promises you don’t fully intend to keep. Never make promises unless you’re sure you Can keep them.
These two conditions often make it impossible to promise something that someone else has to beg you to promise. What ends up happening is that they get the words they wanted, so they can feel good in that moment… but you are the one who has to carry the burden of a promise you didn’t want to make, and then face the pain of failing your own promise, as well as the promisee* feeling betrayed, and accusing you of such.
Forgive yourself. You tried to promise something you didn’t really want, for the sake of another person. If they are worth that promise, they will understand, and forgive you for being human.
OTOH: it seems you want out of your promise, just so you can exit… which i don’t think is right, for various reasons. Living for the sole purpose of an empty promise that you don’t want, and were goaded into making, doesn’t seem like a good way to build a life worth living. There must be a better way. You need to find that. Not for the promise, but for yourself.