I look back over my shoulder
All I see is a past not worth remembering
And in my heart I know that I’ll never escape
The fear of my body growing colder
I see myself in all my pain
Hunched over the bathtub drain with
My blood pouring like rain
Down my arm to the sewer with all those who felt the same
And today I fight to keep at bay
The thought that demand I slay
Myself and those around who dared spout the lie that they cared
And end this life I hate today
So simple the old ways
To give in to hate and relate to life in the most brutal of ways
To berate myself and all I am in every single way
To forget the pain of carrying on in a society where it’s more ok
To hide yourself and how you feel than to get help to better the life and image you portray
So difficult it is to stay away
From the ways of days before
Because the pains of yesterday still haunt me today
And the difficulties I faced have only grown to stay consistently
In my heart and in my head I feel this way
No matter how I try
How hard I work
How dedicated I become
I find that I’m only lying to myself and everyone else
About “how I’m doing todayâ€
Tomorrow is another day is what they say
Yesterday is passed away and today won’t always stay
But I can’t elaborate on how wrong they are
I can’t say how I truly feel because I’m wrong
I’m wrong about how I feel and what’s good and evil
What should be said and what should be kept in my head
What can be done and what must be left alone
Everything about me is so contrary to what’s considered normal in this day and age and
To my peers and predecessors I’m nothing but contradictory.
The fight goes on to breathe the next breath
When everything inside my head says to end it
And no matter how much better I get
I always slip back into my pit of despair