I’m still hanging on, pushing on through this pain. Doing my best to keep myself from completely shutting down and giving up… But for what?! To be forgotten about upstairs? I drifted off listening to music, not knowing some important guest’s came over. I would have liked to at least try and socialize, to be able to tell myself at least I made a little progress. But.. I was forgotten about, not a huge surprise!
… But the most painful thing was that, when I pulled out my ear-buds, was that I could hear laughter… I haven’t laughed like that in a very long time… I miss smiling a real smile… For a few months, every social situation terrifies me… I used to like to party ( I never drank or got stupid), because of all of the people having a good time. Now even just thinking about going over somewhere, scares me so bad… I would have just liked to try and push myself a little bit, maybe be able to say, ” Yeah! Look at what you accomplished!!”… But I am not even gone… And they already forgot about me….
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Hi. It’s been a while since you’ve posted this; haven’t seen you on here – hope you’re doin’ okay… You will find people with whom you can form mutually – supportive associations — online, even, on this and other sites (just exercise caution, of course), though preferable to form relationships ‘in person’, with those around you, imo. I’m trying to remember (brain’s a bit foggy, and I’m rather too tired to go through the posts – sorry), but I think you mentioned your friend was not really supportive (?) – it’s hard, in general, for folks much older to understand stuff like depression (suicidal ideation, even), so someone rather young can be forgiven for not understanding. I hope you’ve sat down with your grandparents and/or mother to discuss what you’re going through…
Music helps; there must be other stuff you can immerse yourself in as well, if only to help you cope, while things get better at home – hopefully (?)…
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Take care.