Least hate can be treated. People ignore the apathetic generally. Unless it becomes to the point of where you can no longer function. When you get into an apathetic state its hard to get out.
If you ever figure it out, let us know. Many people could use an answer to the question in the title.
However, perhaps you could take the same approach here, as fits anything else unattainable:
If what you want, hurts to want, and is not possible to reach… then work on removing the desire to reach it. If you can’t get what you want, try to change whatever makes you want it. That might be the only way.
My comment requires a little inference, the bad thing about not feeling anything and it being hard to get out of is that if are ever ready to move on. You may find it harder from not caring than from anger.
My comment requires a little inference, the bad thing about not feeling anything and it being hard to get out of is that if are ever ready to move on. You may find it harder from not caring than from anger.
I don’t think it’s so much a question of “forgetting” … i don’t think that is possible … but more a question of prioritizing … whether love or hate … if it is a high priority in your mind, it will always be the forefront. One needs to make the conscious choice that the person in question is no longer of the relevance they once had currently and going forward … all the loving/hating in the world will not change the current situation … one needs to embrace the reality that the person is no longer an important part of your life today and in the future
When we dwell on our past relationships, we’re living in the past … this is unhelpful to today and our future … we need to recognize the mistakes made which soured the relationship – whether that be us giving misplaced trust in someone who hasn’t earned it or our own shortcomings and failings that made the person turn away from us … key is to accept that it’s over and fill your time and energy with thoughts and actions that are useful to your future.
To forgive – both you and the person adds finality to the past – whether deserved or not, that doesn’t matter … what matters is the final resolution.
I’ve tried to make it less important. I completely agree with you. It’s just tha for some reason I can’t stop caring. I’ve tried so hard to move on, i really have. But it always comes back. Maybe it’s just a matter of time.
I
I’m sure i implied, but didn’t directly state that, “forgetting someone” for whom one has genuinely and deeply cared, is most likely not possible, and therefore is not a reasonable solution to strive for.
You won’t reach it. It won’t work.
So, that leaves us with the requirement to feel a way about a thing we can’t change, and the need of a solution. The best possible solution is to diminish and, hopefully, eliminate that requirement… since that requirement is based on a desire that cannot be fulfilled. When fulfillment of a particular requirement is impossible, the only other option is to remove the requirement.
However, i would also caution that “closure” is likely just as unlikely as “forgetting a person.” The only “closure” would likely be as described above, in altering yourself in a way that removes the requirement, releases you from the burden of an unfulfilled desire, and allows you to no longer feel compelled to waste further time and energy on something painfully unattainable.
Sometimes, we are not even allowed to perceive the mistakes /we/ made. I would not be able to forgive someone who did not even allow me to know what i could have done better, or whether their expectations were simply unfairly elevated, or… well, whatever i would need to “put it behind me.” If someone leaves a gaping void of mystery, and refuses to allow anything resembling “closure,” then my only option is to dismantle my need to “forgive” them. If i’m not allowed to evaluate the problem, how can i ever solve it? If the actions of another, prevent me from solving a problem i can’t live with, how can i forgive that? I would have to find a way to eliminate whatever perceived value i once saw in that person. I would have to focus on their faults, flaws, mistakes, and ill-intent. You could call it “blame,” but it’s not really about who’s right or wrong. It’s about understanding what happened, so it can be allowed to rest and fade.
You may never truly “stop caring,” but if you just keep trying, you can break down the value of that caring into maneuverable particles, rather than trying to live the rest of your life carrying a boulder of regret and anguish. Grind that rock to sand, and spread it out.
There i go waxing poetic again.
Anyway, when someone matters, you don’t forget them. It’s a traumatizing experience. You just have to live with the scars, and try to recover as best you can, while devising the best way to protect yourself from the effects of the reminders.
7 comments
Least hate can be treated. People ignore the apathetic generally. Unless it becomes to the point of where you can no longer function. When you get into an apathetic state its hard to get out.
If you ever figure it out, let us know. Many people could use an answer to the question in the title.
However, perhaps you could take the same approach here, as fits anything else unattainable:
If what you want, hurts to want, and is not possible to reach… then work on removing the desire to reach it. If you can’t get what you want, try to change whatever makes you want it. That might be the only way.
My comment requires a little inference, the bad thing about not feeling anything and it being hard to get out of is that if are ever ready to move on. You may find it harder from not caring than from anger.
My comment requires a little inference, the bad thing about not feeling anything and it being hard to get out of is that if are ever ready to move on. You may find it harder from not caring than from anger.
I don’t think it’s so much a question of “forgetting” … i don’t think that is possible … but more a question of prioritizing … whether love or hate … if it is a high priority in your mind, it will always be the forefront. One needs to make the conscious choice that the person in question is no longer of the relevance they once had currently and going forward … all the loving/hating in the world will not change the current situation … one needs to embrace the reality that the person is no longer an important part of your life today and in the future
When we dwell on our past relationships, we’re living in the past … this is unhelpful to today and our future … we need to recognize the mistakes made which soured the relationship – whether that be us giving misplaced trust in someone who hasn’t earned it or our own shortcomings and failings that made the person turn away from us … key is to accept that it’s over and fill your time and energy with thoughts and actions that are useful to your future.
To forgive – both you and the person adds finality to the past – whether deserved or not, that doesn’t matter … what matters is the final resolution.
loved and lost dawg
I’ve tried to make it less important. I completely agree with you. It’s just tha for some reason I can’t stop caring. I’ve tried so hard to move on, i really have. But it always comes back. Maybe it’s just a matter of time.
I
I’m sure i implied, but didn’t directly state that, “forgetting someone” for whom one has genuinely and deeply cared, is most likely not possible, and therefore is not a reasonable solution to strive for.
You won’t reach it. It won’t work.
So, that leaves us with the requirement to feel a way about a thing we can’t change, and the need of a solution. The best possible solution is to diminish and, hopefully, eliminate that requirement… since that requirement is based on a desire that cannot be fulfilled. When fulfillment of a particular requirement is impossible, the only other option is to remove the requirement.
However, i would also caution that “closure” is likely just as unlikely as “forgetting a person.” The only “closure” would likely be as described above, in altering yourself in a way that removes the requirement, releases you from the burden of an unfulfilled desire, and allows you to no longer feel compelled to waste further time and energy on something painfully unattainable.
Sometimes, we are not even allowed to perceive the mistakes /we/ made. I would not be able to forgive someone who did not even allow me to know what i could have done better, or whether their expectations were simply unfairly elevated, or… well, whatever i would need to “put it behind me.” If someone leaves a gaping void of mystery, and refuses to allow anything resembling “closure,” then my only option is to dismantle my need to “forgive” them. If i’m not allowed to evaluate the problem, how can i ever solve it? If the actions of another, prevent me from solving a problem i can’t live with, how can i forgive that? I would have to find a way to eliminate whatever perceived value i once saw in that person. I would have to focus on their faults, flaws, mistakes, and ill-intent. You could call it “blame,” but it’s not really about who’s right or wrong. It’s about understanding what happened, so it can be allowed to rest and fade.
You may never truly “stop caring,” but if you just keep trying, you can break down the value of that caring into maneuverable particles, rather than trying to live the rest of your life carrying a boulder of regret and anguish. Grind that rock to sand, and spread it out.
There i go waxing poetic again.
Anyway, when someone matters, you don’t forget them. It’s a traumatizing experience. You just have to live with the scars, and try to recover as best you can, while devising the best way to protect yourself from the effects of the reminders.