today I felt more brave

I take the subway everyday, so of course that’s very tempting, but today I really considered it. I think my survival instinct is still stronger though. For the first time I walk as far as I could from that pass to freedom, because y body sensed something was going to happen. I am in so much pain right Now. I can’t cut myself anymore though, because I would have a hard time hiding the scars. What I have found out is that punching myself gives me the same feeling of relief as cutting and it gives e a numb feeling, which I love. It doesn’t give you a scar, just some bruising which you can always desguise.