Hello. I have been suicidal since my teens and I am now 23.
2 months ago I became homeless (I have been staying at a shelter for  young adults and it is also where I met my 18 year old boyfriend).  1 month ago I got pink eye and started treating it about 2 weeks ago trying 2 different medications, I am going to get it checked again today;…it is *really* bothering me and I cannot get rid of it. I also have eczema and Body Dysmorphic Disorder (which is why I really want to end it).  I also want to be genderless and not have this womanbody.
I just want to be out of this pain completely (I love sleep so much). I am thinking to go using the helium suicide method. I would do this tonight If I knew exactly how to make the set up, but I think tomorrow I can do it.
I really want to be out of this physical body.
I have the Peaceful Pill book checked out in my locker at the shelter. I am going to copy the instructions and buy a helium tank and rent a hotel room. I do not know if this is the best way for me to go but I will be so happy never having to go through another day like this ever again. A lot of things are hurting me physically right now but I am not feeling very much emotionally. I am gone already and know what I want.
I am going to kill myself tomorrow, I have to. Even if I wasn’t sick I would still want to not be female, I still would want to leave. I just do not know if the helium method is the best. I do not want any pain, panic or blood. I don’t know, I wish I could sleep now.
4 comments
I also wanted to share these links,
http://www.youtube.com/user/JulieMuse/videos
http://spiritguidesparrow.com/afterlife.html
i just want to say GOD LOVES YOU SO MUCH
PLEASE DONT HURT YOUR SELF http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4M-zwE33zHA&list=RD02PGz8SSSM1VE
Because He lives I can face tomorrow LOOK THAT UP ON YOU TUBE
Oh no , i am so sorry you have body dismorphic disorder.. i have it to and of all the problems in my life it is the one that has made want to end my life the most. I cant see any pics of my shoulders and above because i will have a breakdown. I try avoid mirrors as much as possible now. Started out with one thing for me and has progressed to my entire body looking weird and deformed even my skin and hair and i look so hideous to myself. Wish there was something i could say to help you feel beter but idk what because it is really hard to keep living with this disorder. All i can say is i try avoid any mirrors and pics now and after a while it seems to have helped me a little and im so sorry your homeless, you have alot of things to deal with right now. If you need someone to talk to that has that illlness to I will be here.
First let me say…..you are strong for being able to function somewhat while homeless….I just can’t do that I just can’t see myself being that guy from high school that ended of homeless less than 5 years maybe its pride or fear of humiliation by former peers but let me say I commend you for even coming this far….its not easy at all.
I suffer from eczema as well but its not as bad as cases I have seen. Have you tried pure aloe vera gel? I find that it helped me maybe it would benefit you as well. As for the BDD I know the symptoms and I have all the symptoms but I have never been officially diagnosed because I’ve never talked to a professional about it. I can totally empathize with you on that because I know how it feels. I hate going out into public and when people look at me I just automatically assume they are looking at my defects even if they are blind I still think they can see. That’s impossible I know but its just how I feel.
I am sorry that you had to go through all of these things at once and let me say again you are stronger than me. I am so fucking afraid of being on the street I think that is one of my top 3 fears. Yet, you have done it for 2 months. I wouldn’t last a week I would end my life by any means necessary if I woke up and my mother told me I couldn’t live here. I’d find the nearest high rise hotel go to the top floor and see if I could fly. I hate pain but I just can’t see myself on the street that is the bottom line. Anyways, whatever you decide to do I hope you find relief from this hell.