I am so miserable I live a fake life for others just because I hate the real me.If people knew who I truly was they would be shocked. I everyday make myself get out of bed I put on make up and pretend to be happy I always smile and act like I am doing great the inside I am dying on the inside. My one love left me of 12 years yet the bastard still texts me? Who does that why does he want to be friends? When you are going through a divorce why are you being nice? You know I have depression and I have had suicidal thoughts, yet you still left and torture me? I sometimes hope for a natural disaster or hope something happens at my work and I die. The idea gives me such relief and the only joy I have is that someday I can finally do it and just let go. I am so lost I work in a profession as a counselor. I have to have it together for my kids I do suicide protocol’s all the time. I almost laugh at the end of these days and have helped someone but I can’t even take my own advice. I feel like a ghost with a heartbeat. I don’t want to live like this anymore no one knows the pain and stifling feeling I have.
Does anyone else feel like this? I just really hope tomorrow I don’t wake up would be the best gift if god exists could give me.
2 comments
yea i wanna go too, life really sux. my only fear is that i’d come back as a lower life form cuz i suicided instead of perfecting my life. and so we remain hehe
Maybe your experiences make you better able to help others; you know how it feels to be them… and how it seems like even the most trained professionals won’t be able to understand, let alone even appropriately interpret what you can’t even communicate to them, due to fear of arbitrary and potentially detrimental consequences.
To want, and not want, simultaneously, for life to end.
As for the divorce thing…
I don’t know your details, but sometimes people would rather be friends instead of enemies or just nothing at all. I’m sure it sucks. But do you really want him to completely avoid any contact at all, and just never speak to you again? Or would that be worse than him trying to stay friends? You might have to pick one of those, or you might have to accept which one of those is his choice. You could also choose to at least try to find someone else. Maybe there is, maybe there isn’t. But the rest of your days don’t have to be filled with emphatic torment, based on the incompatible desires of one person.