So today I am trying to buy me some more weed. I feel alittle bit better today. But I know its not from the pot. Granted, it does help SOME what, just not on the level I would like it to.
I had a very disturbing dream last night, which ended up with me sleeping on the most uncomfortable couch ever. Anywho, I dreamed that I was completely ready to die. I had wrote a ten page suicide note explaining why I could not live in constant lonely dispair anymore. I had the pages beside me and a 708 in my hand.
I loaded the chamber, pulled back the bolt and held the gun to my head without hesitation. As I was about to pull the trigger my phone buzzed indicating that I received a text message. It was such a surreal moment. Almost like I was obligated to answer.
Well I read the message. Why? I dont know. I believe IÂ read it because I did not want anything left unsaid.
Oddly enough it was a person I had not spoken to in awhile. And he asked me if I was selling any pills.
By now I had already unbolted the chamber.
I ended up having a super long conversation, completely forgetting about my motive.
I am not sure whether I should take it as some sort of sign or just a crazy vivid dream from being totally blazed.
Either way, it was interesting.
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I had two recurring dreams last year; I even recounted them here. Back then I was on all sorts of psych drugs.
I remember one in particular where I’m in an office conference room with huge windows overlooking the city. I was just sat there with these people I don’t even know. It’s a clear blue sky. In the distance I see a mushroom cloud, like from a nuclear weapon. Within 10 seconds I start to feel the heat, the walls melt, it goes White. Then, I go back to the beginning but I already know what’s going to happen and start trying to warn people but no one can hear me. Then it happens again and that’s it. I wake up. I have no idea how I’m able to make it last so long but it also occurred several times during that month. That’s one of the things I liked about the meds I was on at the time. I felt more refreshed and had some cool dreams.
I use to try and figure out dreams like that but found it pointless. Prozac gave me really lucid dreams. Half the time it was just random and confusing.