Last night I try too cry but no tears came out, so I cut my self a little to feel other pain that is not inside me. Some times this pain makes me strong but today is killing me. I just wanna desapeard, I wanna be in the eternal sleep. Im not good or strong. I have a very suicidal mind, I can take anything even a mecanic pencil and use it to harnd me. I dont like ro be touched im scaerd wen some one hugs me even my family. I dont like to be around of people but at the same time I dont  want to be alone. Im really sensative. I rather be lockt in my room. Wen Im sad I beging to scream and pull my hair. I beging to harmed my self.
I dont know what to do know.
17 comments
.
“Remember the past, plan for the future, but live for today, because yesterday is gone and tomorrow may never come.”
– I like what you wrote ^ …
.
Can you try to talk to *someone* in your family about what’s going on with you, how you’re feeling?
.
“I’m lost in the shadows of my past.”
.
Do you want to perhaps write a bit (more) about your past?
.
Keep safe. Take care.
.
The truth is I dont have anyone to talk to
The truth is I dont have anyone to talk to
About hurt yourself…
I had cut myself two times, nothing really bad, for sure i wasn’t “brave” enough to harm myself badly.
What’s funny is the pain i felt everyday is realy worse than abroke ankle..i have broken at sport one time.
Just stop…it is pointless.
About everthing else you wrote… i feel as the same you do.
How a empty feeling can be so painfull?!
Yeah
I cant put a swuim sute because of the scaers and the pain inside is really woers then anyother pain
Wen I cut and feel the blood geting out I feel relaf
Im a cutter since I las 12
.
We can talk here for a bit, if you want.
I was really uncomfortable with touching / hugging other people for a long time too (even pretty girls !?)… Just trying to form a close relationship, let anyone get in ‘my space’ was like really hard… Yeah, I had a lot of stuff I needed to sort out…
What do you like doing? I think I remember you saying you like to draw?
.
I’m making myself something to eat, so (if you reply), I may take a little long to respond.
.
@S-f-m :
That sounds really nice to talk to someone and that really sucks right todo be with a family or a cute person and not be able to hug them because it feels unconfterble and scary that insted of huging the person you just go away ir puch a litle the person
I like to write, draw, paint, sing, and desing closet. Does are some of the things I do.
.
Yeah, it sucks!
You just want to be close to someone, but you’re so hurt psychologically / emotionally that you can’t let anyone in; yeah, it can feel scary… Just to have someone touch you… Really uncomfortable… Took me a long time to work through stuff, and be more comfortable around others.
.
I can’t really do any of that – forget about drawing / painting… I was in a hospital once, and this guy drew this picture of his wife… I don’t know, it just got me really irritated… He was really good at drawing… The nurses were even fawning over him, “Wow, you can really draw”… I don’t know – I just got a li’l jealous, to be honest… I actually do wish I could draw / paint.
.
Are you doing okay at school?
.
I know how you feel
and Im not that good of drawing but I like to draw what I feel
Drawing is not to be a good profecional but to draw what you love I bet you draw really cool
And a little but people are still bulling me on how I dressed and yesterday there were rumors that I smoke and all cainds of shit.
True. It’s a really good way to express yourself.
I should really apply myself at it a bit – think I might start doing that… I dunno – it’s just when I was at school, it was obvious I simply had no talent compared to almost everyone else, so I just said, that’s not for me, I just should rather just give up on that; so, I guess I stuck to stuff like mathematics…
Yeah, kids at school can be nasty (well, people in general _can_ be nasty)… Just having to stay in school with those kind of people really can take its toll… I wasn’t bullied at school, really… Do you have _any_ friends there?
.
If you love drawing ir other things do it. Everyone is difrent in there talents I garanty that you are aswome xD
And you are in mathematics :O i dont xP
I had 1 but she is not in school anymore and the others there only pretending
.
Okay, but really, I just wish I could draw / paint… It’s like I’ve always wanted to be able to … I just don’t think I have it (in me)…
Yes, I know everyone has certain talents, and I know I’m sounding kinda silly, but it’s like I’ve always been a li’l envious of others who can draw / paint or even play an instrument ):
It’s like I just never had the patience / creativity for that sort of thing …
Yes, I’m somewhat better at focussing when it comes to mathematics…
Anyway…
.
Yeah, just got to find a way to get through school… You’re in grade 12, right?
.
Im jeoluse of others that are more talent then me but what i do os what I am and you have talent you just have to keep practicing is like math you do all and in the end you have the results
And yes im in 12 and you?
.
Yeah, I… know; I just really have to stop being envious, and have a good go at it myself, hey… Okay, in a couple of weeks, I’ll put up a drawing (er, no promises, though)…
.
I’m like ancient – school was many a year ago for me… Did have some good times, actually, even if there was a little crap to deal with…
.
Is there any club / group you could get involved in at school or in your community, in general?
.
Ok try to like what you do
And I really want to see your drawings and there are no clubd
.
Yeah, we should be grateful for the talents/abilities that we do have, use them, and acquire other skills…
.
Okay, I’ll try to improve my drawing in the next 2 weeks and put something up on here…
.
.
I have to get something done… We can talk a bit more later / some other time, if you want – okay?
You do need to talk more, preferably with other people in your family with whom you get along, about the situation at home; try speaking to your school counselor / principal as well, particularly about the bullying.
.
Nice talking with you.
.
See you later.
.
Ok and thanks
Talk to you latter