I’m not sure why I sneak out of bed every night, get my pistol and just stare at it for hours instead of simply pulling the trigger in my garage.
All my problems will come scretching to a halt, with one tiny trigger pinch.
Why the hell is this so hard????????????????
9 comments
maybe the self-preservation part of your brain’s kicking in. maybe the uncertainty of the afterlife is frightening. maybe you’re thinking about what youre leaving behind. maybe you have hope.
i would stare at my pocket knife in my backyard and wonder why i couldnt bring myself to just end it then and there. i think i was afraid of the physical pain and the uncertainty of the afterlife.
I’ve always wondered if id be alive this long if id had a gun instead of a knife or if i would have found another excuse not to go through with it. i think with a gun itd be like ripping off a band aid. if i was feeling hesitant i feel like i could calm down, take a deep breath, and quickly pull the trigger. one second id be alive and the next (if i didnt miraculously survive) id be dead.
Very familiar with that feeling except that I have never had a gun.
@lon3 I know that feeling, at least u have a pistol….
My nightly session of creeping out of bed, and sitting in the garage, listening to classic rock, smoking cigarettes & drinking vodka (I don’t smoke or drink). is coming t end till tomorrow. Another failed mission.
I gave up on trying to kill myself because I stayed alive no matter what I did. It’s possible that things will get better for me, so I’m kind of waiting to see if that will happen.
Overdosing on lucky charms doesn’t count right?
No, rabbit foots don’t work for shit either.
Oh how I would love to have a gun….its instant and quick and even if you feel pain its probably a pinch for like a jiffy. There is no waiting to pass out just fade to black instantly…..Unfortunately they don’t dell guns on the internet…well they do but you have to go through all this shit to get them which is very frustrating…..in response to your post I agree with raincloudz its self preservation …The illusion of a force field that prevents you from going any further….its there but its not really there
For some people suicide is a solution. For others, it is merely the option for a solution. That you may, one day in the future, decide to pull the trigger, maybe that gives you the strength to carry on a little while longer, in the back of your mind thinking that if things REALLY get too unbearable, you have the future possibility of pulling the trigger.
Just the option of suicide provides comfort and solace. I’ve heard that writer Hunter S. Thompson told a friend some 25 years before his self-inflicted death that “I would feel real trapped in this life if I didn’t know I could commit suicide at any time.” Eventually he felt trapped enough that suicide really become his last and only option.