Ever since a man, who I was involved in a brief affair with, decided to insult, attack, and ultimtely discontinue any contact with me because I “emasculated” him, I’ve been hating humanity.
I apologized, and such, but his abrasiveness continued, leading me to spend yesterday’s entierty crying, and exploring ways to kill myself.
I’m extremely sensitive, vulnerable to any semblence of rejection, mean words, or even subtle gesture. Not sure why I’m writing this even, perhaps because I want to remove it from my brain. I can’t sleep, or enjoy any moment of peace. I’m useless. My stomach churns acrobatically at my inferiority.
I’m so fucking ashamed of this fragility. He knows he could hurt me, and he did. Like a child I begged for his forgiveness, as if screaming “don’t leave me, please!” How pathetic.
15 comments
Well what exactly did you do to emasculate him? and be honest….I’m just trying to understand what you did that drove him to such measures ….one of the worse things you can do to a man is strip him of his masculinity ….so what did you do?
Alright, I’ll be honest: he’s 20, a few years younger than I, and clearly sexually inexperienced, noteably lacking sexual confidence. We were about to have sex–not for the first time– and he got a bit frustrated with himself not being able to mainain an erection. He promptly said he was “getting bored” with our “sex life” and asked for a blowjob. He has a tendency to just jump right into sex, without any sort of foreplay, and that annoyed me. I told him to just be patient and let things just flow for a bit, and that just asking out of nowhere for a blowjob disrupted our chemistry, something I’m not used to with older men; I was also angry for him blaming me for the lack of foreplay or “excitement”. I told him he’s rushing things and it’s immature. He got pissed, laid down saying I emasculated him. He’s been sensitive about are age difference from the jump, as have I, because younger men CAN be immature, even in comparison to girls of the same age. Girls mature faster, Imo.
I agree girls mature faster….but anyway…. I don’t see why he took those measures due to something IMO as insignificant as not getting what you want when you want it….jeesh I was expecting you to say you went to his job and told everybody he had a tiny penis aloud or something that extremely embarrassed him like you greatly disrespected him openly on FB or something….. yeah he may not be what you are looking for anyways….and I know there are chemical reasons for impotence but rarely is this the case in young men…. are you sure he can’t get an erection because he has already used up all his stamina already? because men…even young men (contrary to popular belief) can’t keep having sex back to back to back to back W/O some down time….even porn stars need time off to recover….also…his coldness towards you would IMO indicate there is somebody else….unless that is just typical behavior for him but usually when you got somebody else …people become dispensable….
Hmmm, you make some interesting points. He usually is quite warm and sweet, which is why I was so surprised at his spite and anger towards me in the days following.
We were pretty drunk, hence my candidness, and his inability to stay erect.
I’d only known him for a few weeks, so maybe he’s actually not so nice as I first thought. Not sure.
I know he has a girl back home, thousands of miles away, but I don’t know the extent of their involvement. All I know is that he’s not in a relationship. So, maybe that makes me dispensible? But to be so mean, even when I apologized and such…
I assumed that he wasn’t interested any longer and used my comments as an excuse to walk away, instead of just saying so.
One morning, about a week ago when he’d slept over, I started seducing him, unsuccessfully. I just kept kissing him and all those things, indicating that I wanted to have sex. Usually works with other guys, but he confessed, the night I “emasculated” him, that I was being sexist by trying to seduce him even though it was “obvious” that he wasn’t interested, because men don’t always want sex. I mean…wtf? He’s shy, unconfident, and hesitant, so I was trying to warm him up and take control! Wasn’t obvious to me…I don’t understand why he leaves so much up to assumptions.
If he has a girl and he is not in a relationship…..that’s an oxymoron….either he has a girl or he doesn’t….he can both have a girl back home and not be in a relationship which one is it? IMO you need to let him go…..if you know about the other girl then obviously he feels no need to hide it ….He may be emotionally involved with her but only physically involved with you….which would explain his coldness towards you even more….you need to be adamant about finding out whether he is involved with someone else or not…..either way it doesn’t matter though because from his attitude its apparent he is not the one for you….I guess you could chalk the impotence up to you all being drunk but not the coldness….if he is emotionally unavailable as he has demonstrated its time for you to stop being emotionally involved with him….either make it clear that you guys are strictly fuck buddies or find out what the hell his issue is
*he CAN”T both have a girl back home and not be in a relationship at the same time* …typos -_-
Yeah, I asked him before we became intimate if he had a girlfriend, and he said no. He never told me about the girl, I found out through his Twitter, which displays two photos of him and this girl sitting closely, with a caption reading “Sweet (her name), finally reunited” and the second of them where he calls her “wifey” and wondering how a girl so beautiful would be interested in him.
So, yeah, I did my own snooping and found out about this girl. I have no idea it’s innocent or not, but I’m sure he’s still emotionally attached to her, even though he moved far away from home, and thusly, her.
We argued most of yesterday, and he was being really cold, saying I need to just accept what I did/said and get over it. He didn’t accept my apology.
Well just because he moved away from her doesn’t mean they aren’t involved….they could have a long distance thing going on….and are you certain she is as far away as you think? how do you know she doesn’t have family in your city or perhaps she has relocated near there as well…..you only know his whereabouts you don’t know hers….and you need to confront him about those photos if you all have established that you are together as a couple….if not….well then you need to DTR define the relationship… (I got that phrase from a T.V show called awkward lol) but anyway it needs to be done….otherwise he is fully in his rights to do as he pleases because no official boundaries were established….However I think you need to get rid of him anyways this just seems a bit too sketchy IMO…..nobody deserves to be treated in such a manner by a person who they are dating ….There are plenty guys that would quickly replace him and you aren’t losing anything by doing so….
*sigh* he’s made it clear that he wants nothing to do with me, so I’m not going to confront him about anything. Maybe the girl is here as well, I have no idea, but it’s none of my business any longer…
I have a tendency to immediately blame myself when any conflict arises, so thanks for telling me he reacted coldly, and that maybe I shouldn’t be treated that way.
Well make sure that you make him stick with that decision….don’t answer phone calls don’t send texts and most importantly don’t let him have sex with you anymore….cease and desist all contact….don’t even acknowledge him if you see him walking past you on the street….I think you’ll be okay….you just need to learn how to correctly identify douche bags and jerks
I think you just have to talk to him. Say something like I’ve got all this love, waiting just for you I just gotta know that your love is true Can’t keep running boy in and out my life Wanna be your girl, not ’cause the mood is right.
Don’t walk away boy
Don’t walk away boy, I’ll be right there for you
Don’t walk away boy, my love won’t hurt you
Don’t walk away boy, I’ll be right there for you
Don’t walk away boy, my love won’t hurt you
Something like that.
LOL @dukeofmarmalade
Not sure if you’re being serious but, I apologized profusely, telling him I didn’t want to burn bridges, wanted to get to know one another better, and that his inexperience/immaturity wasn’t unattractive at all. I tried to console his insecurities, but he said I was “pitying” him. He didn’t give two shits.
Sounds like you’ve done all you can.
See this is why I don’t date guys..
I just can’t handle all the drama.
that and they criticize my fashion sense.
that just hurts.
@Roak lol it can’t be that bad to garner criticism