Today, I received a high score on a test that my friends didn’t do as well on. I’m a freshman in college but most of my friends are much older. They joked around saying they wished they had my brain and I had to laugh. Yes, I am smart and I do really well at school with very little effort, but if only they knew how my brain functions in other situations. Of course they don’t know about my battle with an eating disorder, anxiety, or depression. They have no idea how many scars are on my body and how many moments I have spent thinking about suicide. They don’t know much about me at all, no one does, but honestly, I kind of like that.
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4 comments
This post is true to your name, right?
Indeed, a smile can cover quite a lot, but we still can’t cover the smile. Maybe someone has picked it up on you, but I can definitely tell when someones smile is covering something. “I’m looking at this girl and her beautiful smile, but I see a young woman whos soul has been tortured by lifes many trials”.
To find confidence in yourself during trying times is a strength/quality that not just anyone can have within themself. If/when the time comes that you want to “reveal” what’s behind the smile to those you hold dearest, I have every faith that you will not only be strong enough to do so, but maybe you’ll be able to smile and wholeheartedly mean it.
Hope that makes sense.
Yes, beautifully written.
I love the quote “I’m looking at this girl and her beautiful smile, but I see a young woman whose soul has been tortured by life’s many trials.”
More than anything I wish I could let them all know I’m suffering, I just feel like that would be selfish and too hard for them to handle. Also for my sake, holding onto all of this as my secret is comforting. If no one knows, no one will try to help, and I like being independent.
Then a secret it shall stay.
I understand that being independent in regards to your “secret” brings a… cold comfort of sorts (that’s how it is for me anyway) but bear in mind that being comfortably cold will only consume the warmth of your spirit within. I can tell you’ve a warm yet troubled spirit, most people in our situation do. Even though you are comfortable now, still crave the warmth of a soul at ease.
I suppose sharing your story on SP is one way to do it, and I’m more than happy to contribute to your journey as you make your way through this bumpy road we call life.
It seems a lot of people can hide their sadness with a smile, but sometimes I honestly feel like I’ve forgotten how to smile.