I have no motivation to do anything constructive to entertain myself on this Friday night, yet I can’t stop obsessively surfing the web.
I was feeling positive, hopeful, but the loneliness and boredom that accompanies it is overwhelming. I feel I can’t do this alone.
My heart aches. I wake up anxious nearly everyday wondering when it will end.
If I could just feel happy, I know that’s impossible but ugh. Please, have mercy. I look around at all these functional people living their lives and I don’t understand how they lead such stressful lives without breaking. How do they persevere? They’re like superheroes to me…
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Behind closed doors, these superheroes go home and self medicate. You only see them during business hours. When they’re off the clock they indulge in whatever diversion it is they need to in order to perpetuate the illusion of “having it together”.
It doesn’t have to be drugs or alcohol either.
Yeah this is a main reason I avoid social media sites like the plague….People posting smiling photos enjoying life being happy as a kid in a candy store….that shit is like food to your depression…. I stay in the house all day everyday so I see no happy people…hear no happy people….and I’m not around any happy people…. doesn’t help much but hey it beats being around them
I convinced me to be kind of superintelligent instead, so when i see them (which i need, because loneliness is haunting) i have something to put on my plate. But it’s weak, and i know that depression isn’t smarter than happiness..
You wanna talk about the obsessive passiveness? I own that shit. It would have my signature on it, if i wasn’t too obsessively passive to sign it. Now i know by memory a dozen of stand up comedy routines and cheap stuff like that. Whatever. Life is beautiful.