No matter how hard I try to, I just CAN’T be happy today. I can’t help but be filled with sadness and cry and push everyone away. I feel like such a failure.
But then when I am happy, I feel like ANYTHING is possible, and that I will never be depressed again.
Then I am back to being depressed and I don’t see how I could EVER be happy again.
I don’t know if I’m just moody and depressed or if I’m bipolar, but I hate it. I hate not being able to keep any of my friends. I hate how my mood changes so drastically. I hate how little control I have over my life.
Nothing feels real anymore..
8 comments
Try not to let your frustrations get in the way of what you are trying to accomplish in life. We all want to “just be happy” but unfortunately that’s not how life works. To be happy you must focus on and do the things that move in the progression of “happiness”, which is also subjective. We hardly ever do one or two actions that result in happiness or contentment. Results come from a series of actions and choices (good and bad) spread out over the course of a life time. So you should never give up on yourself or the goal of happiness. You have to constantly work at it. When you lose a friend, try to learn from it. When you explode on some one, try to humble yourself towards an apology. If you are “moody” and you are aware of it then you have to start taking responsibility for what you say and do, you should be aware already that it isn’t “everyone else” making life harder on you. Breath, breath, breath. When you feel that fire in the back of your neck, recognize and just breath. Tell yourself.. “I’m not gonna do it! I’ve got control!” And breath.
Good luck!
Was there something that cheered you up today?
Thank you. I will keep that in mind, that I just have to keep working at it. It’s very difficult sometimes, but that’s okay.
It’s more the constant change in emotion that I have a hard time dealing with. Somedays completely isolating myself is what makes me happy, and others I have to be around people to be happy. It changes so much, but I guess I just have to learn how to manage that on my own.
@Tormented Mind, yes, I made a tasty sandwich when I came home from school. It didn’t make me much feel better, but it was a good thing.
“But then when I am happy, I feel like ANYTHING is possible, and that I will never be depressed again.”
Ixhatexmyxname,
at least you have that I lost that long ago 🙁 your doing better than me!
What are the things that are keeping you alive? Reasons to live for? … I know, a lot of questions from my part but that’s who I am 😉
I’m sorry rocket man. 🙁 I hope you feel better soon.
When I was 14, I promised myself that I wouldn’t kill myself until I was 18. Because by then I would be out of high school and hopefully at college making something of myself. I’m too afraid to kill myself because I really really REALLY want to live a happy life and help other people like me, like the people that are on this site. I want to help people who are depressed/suicidal/have any other kind of mental illness.
Ixhatexmyxname,
thank you for your kind words 🙂
my real point here is your not alone and really quite normal, if everybody ran around smiling and happy the whole world would be insane, the reason i lost that loving feeling is because i’m much older and have been down that road so many times i don’t believe in fairy tales any longer,you get smart, the truth is, life is a struggle for everybody, that is the meaning of life “STRUGGLE”.
Seems like you have a good head on your shoulders! 🙂 so that’s a good start!