Why Should I Continue?

I keep hearing words telling me to stay strong, keep going, it will all become the past, it will get better but sadly, it has only gotten worse. I have bern bullied, yelled at, blamed, sometimes abused, and called attention whore whenever I try and vent out my feelings cause I learned that if you dont vent, it could cause problems in both mind and body. I stay alive for my friends, family, and boyfriend but now I am thinking…they dont need me, nobody really wants me so why should I continue? I have no self respect just self loathe. I hate everything about me. I cant smile anymore, its become nearly impossible and I feel like Im falling out of love for the people I care about and the activites I loved doing to pass the time of boredom. I question myself every morning and evening then cry/self harm all night until I fall asleep. No one knows Im depressed but my bf and the friends I talk online, the friends I’ve known for almost 2 years. I tried suicide again and didnt tell my bf, this was my now 19th attempt and Im a failure, just like how everyone who hated and is disappointed in me labelled me. I am.at wit’s end. I have nothing else to gain or lose but more hurt and sorrow…