Mentally torturing myself for being so pathetic.  Even with my terror of complete darkness I have last couple nights took my little flash light with me and my little  dogs and went outside into pitch black darkness alone.  Its so hard to keep walking into the darkness outside alone when everything n you tells you to run. Each unexpected thing you see like a tree can can cause so much panic.  At times I feel so much panic I cant move I am frozen , when I get a grip I force myself to go farther by telling myself I am a pathetic exuse of a human being and I am geitng what I deserve.