Well I have been writing exactly what I want to say to people irl that I cant and what is going on in my life and how I feel about it and just posting it here.  I turn off comments because mostly I feel no1 can help me out of the problems I get myself into.  And try to sort what is going on in my mind out on my own.  I think this works. First it helps to know at least someone has read what your feeling and secondly  when I reread how I am feeling I experience emotions reading it.  Rereading what I wrote helps me to see what is going on beter in my life causing me to feel like I do sometimes.  Like the way I feel I am going crazy and cant tell what is real.. that is cause people in my life are ALWAYS telling me im wrong and constantly disagreeing with what I say. This I realized is why I never trust my own opinions or thoughts.  It is mental abuse to do that to someone so much.

Also another think that made me feel bad is I feel guilty all the time for saying anything that I feel to anyone irl and just plain guilty for everything.. even things I think and now I know that comes from them telling me I have some victim mentality everytime I try and say how I feel about anything they do (if it is causing me pain)  but I do feel guilty and say im sorry to this person if I felt I did something wrong I do accept responsibility for my share in it.  But when that person doesn’t want to accept they had something to do with it and say  I caused it all or if I hadn’t done this or that they wouldn’t have did what they did.. it will cause a person to go nuts! an acatualy feel they are going crazy to.  This is also mental abuse if u ask me cuz it makes u feel crazy.  Now rereading the posts I make is really helped me a lot an I just want to put tht out there in case it could help anyone else.

P.S. not them reading  MY posts but rereading their own posts is what I meant lol =)