Well, I’m not a monk. I am only 34, I can’t live life with no vice at all…. But it’s either that or continue to be impotent. This is a huge blow to my own self image too. I was a heavy pot head for over 20 yrs, this has been the one thing which gave me the strength to not give a fuck, until it made me impotent. So, I can either live like fucking Slim Body Good and live a boring fucking life, like straight edge ++++++, not even hardly able to sit down and enjoy a damn steak or hamburger and potato, I mean it’s fucking horrible. Or I can just do w/e I want, but then I won’t ever be able to get an erection again…. On top of this I have to force myself to be ok with this if i want my jimmy to ever work again. That’s a fucking huge blow to my male identity. i mean I know I’ve never been good with ladies, hell, but before I was at least able to get a hooker. I’m not willing to live impotent, neither am I willing to live like some sort of fucking new age vegan or pre-vegan monk. I shouldn’t have to live like a 60 yr old man, I know, I’ve already said all this, I really just have to vent this out……. I mean I can’t do anything, I can’t smoke, drink, watch porn, I have to live some strict health nazi diet, all the while being surrounded by all these vices i can no longer enjoy. It’s a fucking miserable life.
Thing is, if my doc would give me the ok to get a pump or an implant this could theoretically solve my problems, but he won’t do that unless I spend thousands of dollars to Big ****** going through all this other shit first, they wanna put me on ED pills which I don’t trust, if I get through that and none of that works (I’d lie anyways even if it did), then they’d have to go through the injection procedure, and a whole host of other rigamero, taking lots of time and money, I’ve gotta torture myself on the hamster wheel to live like some fucking health monk first…. Because a doctor loves to take away anything fun or any vices someone may have, as they take their health like a fucking evangelical religion (that’s why they became doctors). It’s almost like talking to a christian fundamentalist who’ll look for any avenue to force his beliefs down your throat…. I mean fuck, I’m ok with living a shorter life, if it’s a happier life. I’m not mother fucking mother teresa here. I mean give me a fucking break…. It’s all about making big money for big ****** and jerking off his religion (health), right?….
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And even if I go through all those other procedures, he may still not give me the ok to get a pump or an implant.
I feel that, not having control of your own life, just curious, what is the bigger issue the money or the lifestyle. And what if the pills did work?
if I had to say one is the bigger issue, it’s the lifestyle…. Even IF the pills worked, as long as I have to keep up this lifestyle for them to work, I’d still lie to my doc in the hopes I could get a pump or an implant. I mean I could even learn to live with going almost straight edge, as long as I could occasionally drink a few beers or smoke a joint on the weekend, and eat w/e I wanted to on a regular basis.
But those ED pills lead to heart attacks, strokes, and can even make men go blind.
On top of that, I’ve got massive family issues, particularly with my mother.