Done

Just that you’re contemplating one or the other says that you need to try to start over. Rebuild. A bit at a time. Try to tackle one small issue at a time, slowly. You are not ready to leave if you have a doubt about it. I’m sure that you don’t feel ready to die, you’re just like me and the rest of us in that you cannot tolerate your life the way that it is. I have a feeling from you tho, that there is some hope for you and that you can possibly make some changes to gradually improve your life.