My ending

I am in my last year of highschool and I have never been so alone and afraid in my entire life. During exams last year I went to a party and did something stupid that caused a bunch of girls to say hurtful things to me and it just pushed me over my limit. I’ve dealth with their cattiness for the past 2 years and I was done with it. I called my mom to pick me up and she couldn’t even tell I was breaking down. It wasn’t her fault because I am good at pretending I am okay. When we got home she went to bed and I made the decision to end my life. I took 4 bottles of pills and put them in my pocket and went for a walk. This is about 3 am , and I brought my phone with me and sent 6 people a loving good bye. My mother, brother, sister and father, and the boy I liked at the time. I said that they would be better off without me because of how hard it was to deal with me all the time. I knew everyone in general would be happier without me, so I took all the pills. I passed out behind a tree and at that time I had phone calls every 3 seconds from everyone trying to find me. I didn’t want to be found. I wanted them to just go back to bed and be okay. My parents ended up getting the police to track my phone and they found me at the last possible minute. I was semi-cautious and could hear my mom and dad in the hospital beside me crying and asking themselves why I would ever do this. I didn’t want them to be upset, I was trying to make everything easier for everyone. I was in the hospital for a little over a week and I literally lied to get myself out of there. It’s been less than a year since it happened but I still have to deal with people saying things about me and making fun of me which is the last thing I will ever need. I hate myself. I hate everything about myself and I will never in my life ever appreciate myself. I wish I died that night. I wish the people who make me feel like shit every day, got the feel how I felt. I haven’t gotten better at all and I can feel myself getting worse by the second.