Has anyone else put conditions on their life? Â I realized last year that it would be my last Christmas unless one thing changed in my life. Â As the date approached, I narrowed down that thing to specific things I needed to happen.
Maybe it is wrong of me to put conditions on living. I had a plan and should just stick to it. Why can’t I want to live without those things? Â Will those things really change my happiness. Does anyone else do this?
My family got a rude awakening last night – I chose to drink, which I never do. Â It let me express feelings I’ve been suppressing for a long time. Â I feel relief because at least they can’t say my death was a complete shock. Â At least I know I need to hide it better next time. It didn’t take all that much for me to be stumbling because I never drink.
The date doesn’t even matter much anymore, but I feel committed to giving it a try until that date. Â How can I condemn them for hiding secrets and lying to me when my life is a lie because I am not alive. Â I am just a shell of what I once was…but feeling nothing is far better than feeling pain. Â Drinking will be my temporary exit for just one week more.
3 comments
Yes I’m one who has made conditions. About a year ago I acquired the means to catch the bus and told myself that I had one year for things to show improvement. I’ve gone a little past my expiration date. Nothing has improved and physically has gotten worse. So it’s just a short matter of time. With the holidays coming up, I think I need to act soon. I can’t do another painful lonely Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years. Well enough of my woes… Good luck to you.
I think you’re a cool person RenoBill, it’s a shame things haven’t worked out for you. 🙁
@OP You can always adjust your goals. Life is unpredictable, you can never know what will happen.
Agree with Persephone. Try another thing. It can be anything. Why not?