People

I hate myself so much. I forced myself to go to a friend’s meal this evening but it was horrible. I spent most of the time sat there trying not to cry, feeling stupid because I had no reason to. I have a very small group of close friends that I can actually hold a conversation with and I was sat next to one but she’s a very popular girl so she ignored me most of the night and talked to everyone else.

I hate that I can’t just talk to people when everyone else does it so easily. I hate that I have no confidence and that when people tell me to just start talking to people I find it so hard. I used to feel happy with my friends but for a while now I’ve just found that I don’t fit in with them- or anyone.

I hate that just a meal out made me contemplate suicide again and has pushed me yet further towards going through with it.