Please read and tell me…

I.. I did something so bad… I told the whole truth last night, I told him I did it for his attention just so that he will be more attentive of me. But it all went wrong… I didn’t expect this. No…. We’re still together now.. But it’s my turn to take the wheel. It is my turn to be the one who takes the lead. He’s not going to treat me like what he did before. He’s not going to love me as much. He’s not going to put all his effort into this r/s anymore. He’s not going to trust me anymore and in fact I think he hates me so much right now although he claims he still loves me… He’s not going to treat me like how we were…. What should I do now?…. Do I have to continue this relationship and try and solve and carry everything?…. Or do I go to a point where both of us goes our separate ways?.. I think he can handle it but I can’t.

I feel like suiciding right now. I haven’t been eating a proper meal. I haven’t been eating much. I’ve been crying every night before I go to bed and every morning when I woke up. Is this reality or am I dreaming? I’ve created such a big mess and I’ve dug a grave for myself. What do I do now? What do I do now? I just feel like locking myself in my room until I can’t take it and eventually commit suicide. But if I commit suicide, I think he would laugh. He must be laughing there and telling to everyone that I’m faking my death. That I wanted attention. But no… I really just want to die right now I feel like I have nothing. That the past of me and him is all gone. It’s all dead. I don’t know…. Should I just end my life?… I can’t take it…