Was smoking with a friend some time ago when I met this girl who sort of barged in… Turned out she was my friends new friend, doing some thesis on some post modern filmography. Well, we were ll stoned, one thing led to another and she was showing me her poem, saying “if you like Silvia Plath, you’ll love this”. i kept trying to tell her that I like Plath’s book, and I’ve only read a couple of her poems. “read”. But she shoved her ipad into face anyway and I thought what the fuck, lets see what we got here. I thought it was the most narcissistic incoherent anal piece of bullshit that I’ve had the pleasure of coming across and did my best to keep from snickering(note that I was high and this part makes me think of Neil Patrick Harris’ scene from that second Harold and Kumar movie). So I toughed through the whole first half and gave back the ipad saying I was just too bloody high to get whats going on. I don’t think she found out what I really thought of it, though it felt like she was mad+condescending the next couple of times we met. She kept making snide third person remarks about herself while looking at me, which was unmistakable(“some people think I talk too much and will be happy when I leave”, she was finishing her thesis and moving back home BTW . My friend who was also there gave an awkward look, like he knew what was going but just didn’t have any intention clearing anything up. She left soon after and I never heard of her again.

Sorry about this sad piece of rambling. Its just that when I think of a story like this( like an Akira Kurosawa movie), I usually get this strange sensation in my chest and stomach; something that I think an anxiety attack would feel like but I’ve never really  had one so I couldn’t tell you. I get this sort of feeling a lot nowadays. Like nihilism is in the air and just waiting for me to give in.This sensation that sprouts from believing that the world is a meaningless machine, that no spirit and no God can give meaning to your life  unless some neurons fire up to secrete some endorphins or NGH or w/e, just enough to give you a feeling of exaltation and not pain, just enough to start a chain of amphetamine secretions that makes you believe(in love or purpose or destiny). I feel like throwing up right now

Thanks if you actually read up till here. Would love to here your thoughts about the nauseating-anxiety attack-feeling. I’m just waiting for some download, looks like it’ll take ten more minutes.