It’s hard to read all the pain in these posts. Why? Because I’ve been there. No one to spend Christmas with. The one time of year when everyone else has family and friends to share the time, and I had no one. It hurts. Especially, if you are depressed to begin with. Reaching out is hopeless. Who wants a misfit around? Christmas time is indeed the saddest time of the year for people like us, because the fact that we don’t fit in stabs like a knife.
It was at times like these that I’d listen to Jackson Browne’s Hold On Hold Out, again and again, crying as I sat on the floor.
Please do hold on, fellow brothers and sisters. As Jackson’s lyrics said, “If you don’t know what you’re love is worth, no one ever will.â€
Some of the most compassionate persons in this world have been shunned, alone, disrespected and burned. Jesus, for one. I’m not putting the religion trip on you. I’m not religious. But, when you think on it, that person whose birth Christians celebrate every year was killed by humans. He was so alone, so many times, and in pain.
So hold on, hold outs. If you must kill yourselves, give yourself a break and hold out until the New Year.
Each of you has more worth than you now realize. I can say that because I eventually realized it, having been down so low for so long myself. Life isn’t perfect, but I’m not down there now, and I hope you can find a way too. Killing yourself can be difficult, given our innate survival instinct. Living can be hell, given our mental state.
So for each of you, from me to you, the audio of Jackson Browne’s Hold On Hold Out. You are loved. Someone cares. I do.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oW_pTR2pbis (Good luck enduring the commercial, click it off when you can.)
Vedura
2 comments
Thank you so very much for this lovely post; although I won’t be alone on Christmas, I feel out of place in my family; I feel like the piece of the puzzle that needs to be forced to fit into an open space. I feel worse around the holidays because I’m afraid it might be the last one; I don’t like thinking of the pain my family would go through with me dead… I truly believe that nobody deserves to be alone during the holidays; I wish those of you could spend it together somehow so you wouldn’t be alone. Let me thank you again for your lovely post; your words truly spoke to me, and they’ve left an impact. I’ll be sure to listen to that song! I hope you have a wonderful Christmas, and a Happy New Year 🙂
My thanks to you too, Wallflower, for understanding what I was trying to say. You see, I’m in my elder years. I went through what you’re enduring many years ago and for even more years than I want to count. My family would sit around the Christmas dinner table talking about people like me, not knowing that they were describing me.
The unspoken words in your home have to be deafening for you. But, if you haven’t endured what you and I have endured, crossed that line into wanting to leave this world, it’s impossible to understand.
I had a dream once that I was home for a visit from college and I was invisible to everyone. No one could see me. A very realistic description of my life back then.
Some of us have to leave home to begin to find our true selves. I did. Actually, so did Jesus. And he ripped all his disciples from their homes too. Unlike Jesus, however, I’m no missionary with a vision to spread except for each person finding their own.
I hope for you to get away someday and find your own worth, just like Jackson says in the song.
Love,
Vedura